Maybe I Am Living In A Fantasy....

But I am looking for a man who can make it a reality. I am sick of settling and I am ever more sick of expecting certain guys to be men they were never meant to be. So, I am going to take a little bit of the advice I was giving Aric today and make myself a better person. It's something like the age old concept...

If you build it, they will come.

We have to always be ready! We have to be prepared with our "oil in our lamps" (like in the old testament) having wishful thinking so when the husbandman does come, we are on our feet. I could continue all day about how things in my life aren't what I wish they were, but things in my life ARE RIGHT. My life is what Yahweh willed it to be. They is they way it is supposed to be an rather than complaining about the bad I am going to appreciate the good.

"Are you going to complain because roses have thorns? Or are you going to rejoice because thorns have roses?" ~Ziggy

I am just looking at other peoples lives with judgment lately and I realize how lucky I am to have the EYES to SEE a good thing. Though people try to make negative out of everything I do and am, I will continue to see the good in people. While people are letting me pass them by I feel lucky that I know I am a good person. I am thankful for the friends I can give advice to (Aric) because in giving advice to others I am also learning about myself and growing as a person.

I just hope that I make the right decisions in the near future. I hope that I can get out of school next Spring... Summer at the latest and get into Law School. I am starting to realize that maybe I shouldn't be looking for love in Ohio or Ohio State rather because this time next year it would only be a stepping stone holding me back from where I need to be. I just need to find someone who is on the same page as me; a business minded individual who is not about games and is adult enough to communicate. Just a guy with an open mind and an open heart. Lately, I have been focusing on appearance to much. Just because a guy looks cute, has a nice body, or has a little bit of style does not mean that his spirit is comparable. People are not always who they seem.

I love that I have rumors going around that I am a hoe. I love that people see how I dress and assume I am shallow. I love that some believe I have the spirit of a dumb blonde. Even though all of this couldn't be further from the truth it just aids in weeding out the people who aren't open minded enough to find out themselves. As a small child I learned this from the I.D.M.R. that you can not take anyone's word for anything, you have to find out for yourself. Only those who are willing to find out about me themselves are worthy enough to be my friends.

I don't know know what's going to happen this summer, I just hope that Yahweh allows things to work out. Just maybe ATL is the one for me. He is the only one who is stepping up to the plate- & I LOVE his form. I can't dwell on OTHERS anymore, I can't dwell on the past. I could spend all day speaking of the negative or five minutes on the positive. I know the ball is in my court- I just don't know if I should make this fantasy a reality. I just don't know if I should drop all my feelings for OTHERS & make this thing official.