Well, my Roya Lee GRADUATED from Reynoldsburg Senior High School on Wednesday June 5, 2005!!! I am so proud of her!
But then today I spilled BLEACH on my colored clothes. Oh and they couldn't be the free t-shirts I wear around the apartment, no; they had to be my dress clothes from Express. It's alright though, once I get this new job on Monday- I will be able to go buy some new ones! Then again it still sucks because I will have to dress up at the new job, so those clothes could have come in handy! Oh well.
Lately I have been thinking about rekindling an old flame. I know "Chi-Town" would kill me for saying this, seeing that it was a mere few months ago when I swore "Polaris" off for life- but things change- feelings change. I know we had a lot of bad blood between us, but I am hoping that this time around things will be different because I am a completely different person. I am sure he has not change much, but I can not be too concerned with what he is doing with his life.
The thing about men is that they're just as complicated as women- just in a different sense. As soon as you make an ultimatum, show too much emotion, try to "trap them", etc. they run! Where women would wake up and realize that maybe this is the man for them, men get scarred and convinced them selves otherwise. So, I am learning to stop expecting so much out of men- especially when they were never made to act the way I want them to. What I am going to do now is be more focused on enjoying the moment. I am always so stressed out about the future and preserving things- that I forget what is most important... MY LIFE AT THIS VERY MOMENT!
From here on out, I am not going to let ANYONE pressure me affirmatively or negatively. I am my own person. I am not going to let comments from my enemies or from men that I like pursue me to do anything I am not comfortable with. I may be viewed as a lame- but the same lame I am now- was the one I was @ Shaw High, & being this lame got me out of High School with out a child. One more year down & being this lame will get me out of Undergrad. I have to live with what I do, & I am wise to learn from my friends' mistakes. I won't be the one on the table getting an abortion or treated for STD's. My GOD! These are the lips I will be kissing my nephew with- I am at peace knowing who I am and that I can be counted on. And further, I am at peace knowing that the man who is lucky enough to be with me one day will be proud that he has someone intelligent enough to not to have been with every nigga on the block.
People will make you feel bad for your wrong decisions and people will make you feel even worse about your good ones. Just remember to do what's good for you and to take care of yourself FIRST! In the END, no one else really matters.
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