It take a person with great character to enjoy the moment in the midst of their sorrows- and I aspire to one day be that person. I am proud to say that I did do it the other night while chilling with Polaris. Not for a moment did I think about the past, how he treated me- what we'd been through in the last few months, all I did was chill and be happy that we were enjoying each other's company. We're living in a world where both men and women can be quite vicious- but instead I am focusing on the softer more welcoming side of people's personalities. The fact is- people can consistently hold up a phony facade that couldn't be farther from the truth and this was confirmed to me again Tuesday evening.
A friend of mine asked me to sleep with him the other night. A nigga looking for sex will never be a new story- but it's just so funny that he has a "wifey"- a "wifey" who he has convinced (along with his friends and other surrounding onlookers) that I am after him. He has his bitch looking at me like I am trying to steal her man. He has his boys saying things to me like, "At this point, you NEED me to get him to fuck with you."All these niggas on campus look up to him, all these bitches on campus want a piece of him and I am neither. I am not going to focus on the fact that he played me to his girl & his boy & made me out to be this desperate stalker- I am going to smile at the fact that he and I both know the truth! I likeD him he likes me, he wantS me and now I am not looking for the "DRAMA" (lmao)!
You would think people would graduate and grow up a little, but niggas are playing the same old games. Still trying to fuck the same girl you didn't in undergrad, still running that same game you did in high school. When do niggas grow up? When does life go on? As for me- I have yet to receive my degree and STILL I'M not on the bullshit. The other day I told my boy who plays for the same NFL team as "Maize & Blue" that I still believe I could have him back. He insisted that I elaborate- but I decided that it wasn't important to list facts because I DON'T & NEVER WILL want him back. Of course the nigga went on to say, "He just had another baby. He is about to marry his baby's mom. He definitely ain't on you. Etc. Etc." But the fact is... he still hasn't gotten that tattoo removed!
Music Break...
I'm bossy
I'm the first girl to scream on a track
I switched up the beat of the drum
That's right i brought all the boys to the yard
And that's right, I'M THE ONE THAT'S TATTOOED ON HIS ARM
I'm bossy (Kelis)
Back to the regularly scheduled programming...
And what's even more amusing to me is the fact that after this "CHILDish" nigga hits me up about "Maize & Blue", telling me about him bad mouthing me, insisting that I could NEVER get him back- "Maize & Blue" starts texting me again! It's funny that a man could have the whole world convinced that I treated him wrong and that I had a bad attitude, when the fact remains that I was the BEST thing that ever happened to him and HE is STILL in love with me. Why front? I always put him first, I stood for a whole lot of "DRAMA" and bullshit, I did nothing but love him! Now he got a bitch who was smart enough to have a baby by him right before he signed his contract. He got a bitch who doesn't really love him, she was just trying to birth her meal ticket. He got a bitch who is not trying to build a life with him, who is not trying to have a real family with him- but she is so hot to get HER TUBES TIED because she knows she has trapped enough to have her bills paid for life now, lmao! All that doesn't matter though, my question is this, why are both you niggas having success and living a life long dream of playing for the NFL yet YOU still find a way to bad mouth me and YOU find a way to be "CHILDish" and instigate? When do niggas grow up? When does life go on?
All I know is this, I have done some things in my time that make me want to cover up my face and go hide under a rock! But, when it comes down to it I KNOW the good in me out weights the bad. I have forgiven myself for the terrible things I may have done in the past and I am praying that Yahweh will cause me to do much more positive things. It just comes down to this, I am GROWN. I know people are going to continue to bad mouth me, but I will not let a little "CHILDish" birdie influence me to harbor unrighteous thoughts. Erin once told me, "It is hard to believe the good things people try to tell you about yourself, but it's takes a hater to point out the things that are really good in your life." And I have found that statement to be true- many times over. People dog my attitude, the way I dress, MY RELIGION, man the list goes on- but these are all the things that are right in my life. I am not going to let anyone drag me down by negativity. Like I mentioned in the beginning, I am focusing on the moment and the positive things. No more wondering about Sean Coffey, no more wondering about where my homie Dave Whitted has been in the last 7 years, no more wondering about what life would have been like with Jason Dorsey still on Earth. The thing is, I have many other men in my life who will do me better than he ever did, he has been MIA for 7 years but Derrick has been here for 11 and though he is with my heavenly father- I got plenty of dudes I rekindled flames with that have gone ALL BAD... so I won't worry about the past because life goes on. I am a good woman and one day a good man and good friends will find me...
And what's even more amusing to me is the fact that after this "CHILDish" nigga hits me up about "Maize & Blue", telling me about him bad mouthing me, insisting that I could NEVER get him back- "Maize & Blue" starts texting me again! It's funny that a man could have the whole world convinced that I treated him wrong and that I had a bad attitude, when the fact remains that I was the BEST thing that ever happened to him and HE is STILL in love with me. Why front? I always put him first, I stood for a whole lot of "DRAMA" and bullshit, I did nothing but love him! Now he got a bitch who was smart enough to have a baby by him right before he signed his contract. He got a bitch who doesn't really love him, she was just trying to birth her meal ticket. He got a bitch who is not trying to build a life with him, who is not trying to have a real family with him- but she is so hot to get HER TUBES TIED because she knows she has trapped enough to have her bills paid for life now, lmao! All that doesn't matter though, my question is this, why are both you niggas having success and living a life long dream of playing for the NFL yet YOU still find a way to bad mouth me and YOU find a way to be "CHILDish" and instigate? When do niggas grow up? When does life go on?
All I know is this, I have done some things in my time that make me want to cover up my face and go hide under a rock! But, when it comes down to it I KNOW the good in me out weights the bad. I have forgiven myself for the terrible things I may have done in the past and I am praying that Yahweh will cause me to do much more positive things. It just comes down to this, I am GROWN. I know people are going to continue to bad mouth me, but I will not let a little "CHILDish" birdie influence me to harbor unrighteous thoughts. Erin once told me, "It is hard to believe the good things people try to tell you about yourself, but it's takes a hater to point out the things that are really good in your life." And I have found that statement to be true- many times over. People dog my attitude, the way I dress, MY RELIGION, man the list goes on- but these are all the things that are right in my life. I am not going to let anyone drag me down by negativity. Like I mentioned in the beginning, I am focusing on the moment and the positive things. No more wondering about Sean Coffey, no more wondering about where my homie Dave Whitted has been in the last 7 years, no more wondering about what life would have been like with Jason Dorsey still on Earth. The thing is, I have many other men in my life who will do me better than he ever did, he has been MIA for 7 years but Derrick has been here for 11 and though he is with my heavenly father- I got plenty of dudes I rekindled flames with that have gone ALL BAD... so I won't worry about the past because life goes on. I am a good woman and one day a good man and good friends will find me...
"How many brothas fell victim to the streets
Rest in peace young nigga, there's a heaven for a G
be a lie if I told you that I never thought of death
my niggas, we the last ones left,
Rest in peace young nigga, there's a heaven for a G
be a lie if I told you that I never thought of death
my niggas, we the last ones left,
but LIFE GOES ON..." (2Pac)
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