Just For Fun

My bestfriend sent me this & I thought this way cute- so this is the official shout out to my homie!


1.Who are you? L. to the mutha fuckin J
2. Are we friends? BEST
3. When and how did we meet? @ CVS, 11 yrs ago, thru Earl :-/
4. How have I affected you? In infinte ways, too many to list.
5. What do you think of me? you're the best thing that ever happened to me.
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me? when we use to go to Tower City together
7. How long do you think we will be friends or enemies? beyond eternity
8. Do you love me? more than life it's self
9. Have I ever hurt you? YES!
10. Would you hug me? YES!
11. Would you kiss me? yes
12. Would you make love to me? heck no!
13.Are we close? VERY
14. Emotionally, what stands out? You are my friend no matter what I've done or how I've treated you
15. Do you wish I was cooler? no
16 On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I? 7
17. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. Booger... b/c u pick them & eat them
18. Am I loveable? yes
19. How long have you known me? stated that above
20. Describe me in one word. Explicit
21. What was your first impression? who is that lame
22. Do you still think that way about me now? nope
23. What do you think my weakness is? jealousy
24. Do you think I'll get married? yes, hopefully by yrs end
25. What about me makes you happy? when ever u r happy & doing something productive with ur life
26. What about me makes you sad? when u r a sittin duck
27. What reminds you of me? This Kappa @ OSU, & pretty hair
28 What's something you would change about me? your breathe b/c it reaks (j/k)
29. How well do you know me? like the back of my hand
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? never
31. Do you think I would kill someone? yea, I'm a killa... I only roll wit killers!

..."And I Always Found Friends In People That Were Unlikely..."

I have always thought myself to be a very loyal friend; you know- if my girl hates someone I hate them too... NO questions asked. But after falling out with people here and there so many times & my so called friends would remain CLOSE acquaintances of my enemies, I started to reevaluate how loyal I should be. I guess this is kind of how Howard and I became so close and more importantly why we remained friends after he and my cousin Kim broke up...

It was the typical High School hook up, it was and Kim and I's junior year and Howard and Herc's sophomore year... they were best friends- we were favorite cousins(at the time). When Kim became official with Howard, I was somehow forced into "something" with Herc and the rest is history. I eventually fell out with Herc because he was a jerk and Kim and Howard began having problems. She called him one night and he told her he would call her back, so she immediately called me and had me call him. I guess the resentment between she and I began when Howard didn't tell me to call him back, but stayed on the phone with me for three hours???

When I wrote my entry "Yesteryears", I kind of forgot why Kim and I fell out to begin with, but THAT was the defining moment- when she had me call her boyfriend to get dirt on him and somehow got mad at me for doing the job she set me up to do? Next thing I knew we were at a game at Warrensville and all her male friends were hitting on me and inviting me to go out to Denney's with them afterwards, but she was so hot to say, "No! I have to go somewhere with my mother when we leave here." She drove me home, and when I called her an hour later she was conveniently the only girl with all these niggas at Denney's- I guess she viewed me, her-little-cousin, as competition!

I knew things would never be the same when I heard she had a hotel party and didn't even invite me! So, the drama started. She was petty as fuck at my graduation party and didn't even show up with a gift. Howard came to the party and she told him to leave but was stunned when he said he wasn't there for her, lmao! So, I went tit for tat and Howard and I showed up at her graduation party together right as it was ending and gave her a card with both our names on it and I didn't talk to Kim again until half way through our Freshman year of college... By then I knew that Howard was my real friend. And after linking the things Howard told me-she-said-behind-my-back and the same story the Jason Dorsey (Rest In Peace) told me- I wasn't trying to mend out friendship over his & mine.

I guess after I fell out with the group fomerly known as "Tha Phynest" I really didn't have many people to hang with on campus. I was a freshman, never had any money, and I didn't have a car. I remember for the Ice Breakers and Que Skating Party Howard would drive way to Columbus just so I would have a ride. And more than anything, when Maize & Blue and I broke up- Howard sided with me(even though he LOVED Pierre), while most of my "friends" and family members did otherwise. This is when I realized he was just as loyal to me as I was to him. If I hated Pierre- he hated him too, NO questions asked!

We are so much alike; always into it with people- everyone claims they hate us but deep down everyone loves us! It's funny I always seem to make really good friend with people everyone always dogs, you know- "friend that are unlikely". Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I know the rumors going around about me aren't true, so I sympathize with people who get the same treatment I do. I dunno?

What I do know is Howard says I am his best friend (aside from Herc... BOOOOO!) as he is mine (aside from Derrick... XOXO) but I know that we will always be cool. We do argue, go months without talking, but our friendship is solid and permanent and he was there for me during a lot of trying times. And just as my name will ALWAYS be tattooed on Maize & Blue's arm... My name will always be in Howard's life... because he named his first born after me Jaden LINDEN Baldrige. Besides- friendships that are too easy aren't worth having!



"...Listen, I'm trying to tell you my nigga to watch yo' back and trust FEW (Derrick, Howard & "Nikkilicious")/ Cause ain't no nigga gone watch yo' back for you like you/ When someone is broke and down and out without no clout it's rough/ At least you know who you CAN and who you can not trust/..."

~Eightball Friend or Foe

My Perception Of Love

My perception of Love is as intricate as is simplistic.
And apart from how "most females" think, my perception is realistic.
I know that Love can be found in many places.
But no matter where you find it, it's the same, same name [Love] different faces.
It is by no means perfect, unless you expect the least.
And as I have found, in my life, Love is not what I thought it to be.
It's not this bond with my parents that started before I was born.
Because most of the time with my parents my feelings are torn.
It's not this unconditional backing I always have from my two older sisters.
As much as I've tried to voice my heart to them- they've never been listeners.
I thought I found Love a few years ago, and I promise I tried to fall.
But at the end of the game I found- it was the biggest hoax of them all.
I gave all my trust, I gave all my love, I gave him everything I has to give.
But at the end of the game he'd rather see me die than live.
And all everyone can see is the grass was always green.
They blame the misfortune on me, because they can't feel my heart bleeding.
Because in their eyes I was never what they wanted me to be...
The smart or quiet girl... Erin or Elise.
The girl who'd give up all the goods- while she was handed shit.
Cheat, take my money, kill my self- esteem, but this is Love I was convinced?
But I am no longer blind... and this secret of Love has been revealed in theory.
And it's the chance that it's been revealed too late that I really am fearing.
I want someone to make me laugh, because I have been sad way too long.
A man with a little talent, no need to borrow lines, he sings his own songs.
And he hears what I say because he is not "always" "talking".
He's got game but it's not the game he is always running, or walking.
Because he is constantly keeping it real, most importantly because he is my constant.
We may argue everyday but we are constantly solving our problems.
And he makes me want to be better, and he brings out the best in me.
And apart from being my lover he has accomplished the challenge of befriending me.
I am not talking about a man I am talking about Love and what exactly it is.
Something I wish I could buy or earn, but something that is only a gift.
And maybe I will never experience Love because it is never what I think it seems.
This is most likely why my perception of Love, I only find in my Dreams.

Friends, Loyalty & Dalana Giles...

It's funny how people can criticize things one may do to better themselves. Like this blog for instance, it was created for me to fell better about myself. No, I don't need to hit someone below the belt and say things on here that I can't or am too scared to say to their faces, because the truth is- there in no coward in me. I also am not going to edit or cut short [stories] because someone may think, "I'm writing a book". This is for me... if you take offense DON'T READ! Last time I checked, no one was holding a gun to your head.

Today, I was chilling with my boys Amal & Jamel at there job and it made me realize that I'm not so bad, things just happen for a reason- both friendships and fall outs. Amal and I have been friends for fours years and we have never had a spat- maybe it's a TAURUS thing! Then- where Jamel and I are concerned- he has been my acquaintance since my first week of school at OSU. We have had our ups and downs... highs and VERY LOWS, some would say we have a love/hate relationship (Teana), but we have somehow remained cool. I believe that no matter what you do, if someone is supposed to be in your life, they will be. My friendships with Amal and Jamel are complete opposites, with Amal- we always see eye to eye, with Jamel... well, everyone knows "THAT" history, but the relating factor is we're cool just the same.

All of this got me to thinking about Dalana, my long lost best FEMALE friend. We became best friends in Mrs. Corgan's Kindergarten class, and remained that way until tenth grade :'-( We use to always tell people, we were real friends because our friendship had lasted many obstacles... Her five moves (from as close as Euclid to as far as Texas), my crazy moods, fist fights- no matter what, I thought THAT was going to be my nigga. Somewhere in the mix I wrote her off. I guess it had something to do with her loyalty issues... but I'll get back to that.

Last week my mother was telling me how she always knew in her heart, if Yahweh willed for some thing to be a certain way, their was no thing she could do to deter that, i.e. if he wants one to have a job they will have a job. But she also mentioned that standing on the point that his will- will always be done, is no reason to refrain from submitting job applications. For years she has alienated her parents yet was still convinced that she has forgiven them. She told me that she felt if Yahweh wanted her to let them back in her life- it would be done, but she woke up last week- and after all of this time she realized that she was that person waiting on a job in vain instead of going out and applying. So, she decided as step forward- to take the baby's most recent sonograms over to them on Saturday and as soon as she did it, she knew that she had made THE step that Yaweh was waiting on her to take.

I said all of that to say this, I thought that when I cut Dalana off because of her disloyalty, if she was meant to be in my life, one day she would be back. I am realizing that maybe I was wrong. I have sheltered myself so much, that when people travel outside of my comfort zone or betray me one time, I cut them out of my life completely with no regard to longevity. I just won't let the same person hurt me twice and in most cases I don't regret it, but in this case I am starting to. I guess I am seeing the errors in my way because more recently I have been for the lack of a better word [disloyal] to a person and I think the damage I caused is irreversible. I don't know what would have been different if she and I had remained friends, I really don't even know what's been going on with her in the last six years. I do know she went to Toledo, Erin saw her my sophomore year at her boyfriends house in Shaker, my mom saw her working at Walmart a couple of years ago, and Derrick told me she had a baby a little over a year ago. It's amazing that you think someone will always be in your life, then they're gone- that quick.

I guess I just need to realize that everyone can not be like me and everyone does not have what I have. Some people just can't be loyal- EVER. People hate, people have trials that I could never imagine surviving... and all the while they keep it inside. I hope one day that I can be more forgiving. But as of now I have friends in three categories; the ones I never fall out with(Amal), the ones I have fallen out with but have also forgiven(Jamel), and the ones who I cut off forever(Dalana). No matter the rumors of all the girls I have beef with, guys on campus who HATE me, etc. in my lifetime I have only been the one let go once- and it hurts like hell. Matter of fact it's been five years and it hurts more now than it did then. I wonder- what role the people I cross paths with everyday will play tomorrow. Will you be my best friend, someone I fall out with... you just never know!

Just Another Girl

I remember when I was younger- I thought I was different.
Dedicated years trying to be unique- put my feelings in it.
But no matter my dedication- things remained the same in the world.
In my head I was something special- in reality I am just another girl.
I never got to experience real love because the boys never liked me.
And I always found friends in females that were unlikely.
Cause they were either the troubled typed- who brought me down with their failure.
Or had to move away and transfer before I could tell her...(She was my best friend [Dalana])
I'm just another girl no special features or talents.
I'm just another girl- all Jazz no ballads...
;Cause my life never has a steady beat- it is always chaotic.
When things are all well something seems to stop it.
In elementary I was a tomboy I always tried to compete.
Somehow I always lost and took to heart all my defeats.
& by Jr. High- I had no friends & Ja was the apple of my eye.
Guess I was not popular enough to even give me a hi.
Wow high school was crazy because things progressively got better.
Determined to make a difference in my life, Sr. year would last forever.
Not because of loving memories or things turning around.
But b/c I was just another girl letting myself down.
I didn't have pretty skin, my hair wasn't exceptionally long.
I never had the best gear- my body wasn't fit for thongs (back then, lol).
I was just another girl, I shoulda came to OSU & made it different.
But when my conscience told me I am just another girl, I never did listen.
& now it's 2005 and things are just @ a repetition.
& I acknowledge I am just another girl as my decision.
No more pretending, let the chips fall where they may.
I am no longer putting on a phony facade- no more roles to play.
B/c when I am myself it doesn't work out- neither does it when I'm not.
So hard to keep it going- when things are what you wish they were not.
Cause @ the end of the night when I wash my face, there stands- all that I can deliver.
In my heart, my mind, my soul- I know, I am just another girl standing in the mirror.


Some poem I wrote back a little over a year ago... I still like it, so I thought I would share.

Prophetic 1

Sometimes I feel like I am either psychic or a modern day prophet. Every time- every situation, I call it before it even happens. In one of yesterday's entries, I mentioned that when I "fall out" with an individual- it is never on my own, it is never because of something I did, never because of something I've said... it ALWAYS is a result of a third party chiming in and throwing their own two cents in. Some random hater that I probably don't even know their name- to their face has to have to audacity to speak about me!

It is funny that people convince themselves that they know something about me. Check the name of this blog You THINK You Know, But You Have No Idea! I didn't name my blog that for irony- I was being truthful. And don't think for a moment that this blog can help you study up on me because it won't. All this shit is- is a venting tool I have that also aids in keeping people who ALREADY know me abreast to what's going on in my life. In no way shape or form can some outside individual who doesn't already know me read this and think they know who I am, how I feel or what I am talking about. JUST BECAUSE WE'VE KICKED IT A COUPLE TIMES DOES NOT MEAN YOU KNOW ME!

I am spent. I am done with the childish games- I left that shit back at Shaw High School dawg. If you heard something about me- let ME know. Come at me real... and don't be scared to reveal who told you what! I am not confrontational, but you better believe I have a hot ass temper! It is nothing out there that pisses me off more than someone coming at me with rumors, then saying- I can't tell you who told me! If that's the case... why bring it up? The kind of woman I am- I will double your worth! You give me six inches I'll give you a foot, but don't expect me to do things on your terms while you are the one whom wants information out of me. Guess what? I could give a fuck about rumors and what people think of me! The people in my life who really count are INTELLIGENT enough not to believe the hype! There is not a naive drop of blood running through my veins homie! Not a one!

These are the facts, I never lie! I speak the truth... I usually know the truth before it even happens. Honestly- I have been fond of countless niggas on campus... but being fond of does not equate to "talking to", being fond of does not equate to "having sex with", being fond of simply means we may have facebooked a few times, dropped a few poems, maybe even went to dinner and a movie- THAT'S it. With some I've done more than others- but if you want to know about Lindsay, ask Lindsay. If you want the real out of Lindsay be real with Lindsay! Don't nickel and dime me! Tell me snippet of what some undisclosed person told you and expect me to spill the beans? Hells no!

I can't wait for one of these campus niggas to prove me wrong, make my prophecy a lie! But the facts are what they are, all these campus dudes are the same. All these frat niggas think they are royalty because they paid to get their asses beat for 6 weeks? These athletes wanting us to kiss their asses because all these white bitches do. Man, these hoes don't love ya'll they just trying to get a meal ticket. Keep believing that ya'll are special. Keep believing that shit homie!
A, I know who and what I am. You dumb ass niggas may believe your views of my facade- but I am a down to earth real ass person- who is not your average. I don't let niggas gas me & I don't let haters make me believe I am less than what I am. I am not brainwashed on either side of the board. That's why I said on my away message men ain't shit. This entry should suffice as your answer homie. Satisfied? I ain't on these niggas! Religion, Work, School... I'm just trying to keep my head above water!

Titleless (Is that a word? Guess I'll find out when spell check hits it)

Ok, now this is about to be some random ass rambling, but since I log all the bullshit going on in my life onto this thing, I may as well log something positive...

Erin taught me a new way to stalk (or get information on people of interest as I like to say). So, as I'm doing my thing I started to think about the biggest crush of my life. No, not "Toothless" aka "50" just to clarify for any Shaw High Schoolers reading out there! Anyhow- anyone who slightly knows me- KNOWS "who" I am referring to. I knew he hadn't gotten drafted, so I got to googling him... you know "_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _" NFL. Much to my surprise the Chargers signed him on MAY 1ST!!! Go figure! I know the bible isn't supposed to be applied to OUR lives, & even further I know I am taking this waaaay out of context when saying.... "An evil and adulteress generation seeketh after a sign".... but by GOD I call this a sign!

Someone commented on my entry the other day & told me not to give in, so I'm not. I do know what I want. All I know is, I hope my nigga puts it down! He got signed on his Dad's birthday- WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO BE MINES ALSO! That is amazing. Two years from now....

De'ja` Vu...

and no, I am not talking about Beyonce' and Jay! I was just sitting here in deep thought about this situation I was going through around a month ago. I was hollering at (or what I thought was) an old time friend about this dude I was feeling. She then told me that he was "just a charmer" and fucks a lot of different girls. When I inquired about who he was fucking she mentioned a female both she & I were cool with. Well, I was going to leave it at that but I guess my old friend reported back to the girl that I had interest in the "charmer" and that's when the hating began. All of a sudden she was back sweating a nigga she wasn't even cool with (according to him). Well here is the De'ja` vu....

2004, (almost) two years to date I was confiding in a old high school friend (and current Buckeye) how I had been exchanging poems back and forth with a man of interest- fellow Buckeye- Chi Town's own... POETIC TYPE SHIT, lol. She hit me with another one of those hating ass lines, "he is a hoe and tries to talk to every girl on campus!" Of course being the potential Lawyer I've always been asked for some proof and she mentioned a female both she and I were cool with at the time. Next thing I know, after questioning this nigga about her, all of a sudden she is hitting me up bragging about him taking her on a date to the movies. One second he was a scrub, next thing I know she is sweating him super tough. I now see I am in a hell of my own making.

Well the story ends like this... Never rat on your friends and keep your mouth closed. I am no longer cool with either of the bitches in the second story and though it is somewhat sketchy on what's going on with the parties in the first- I know that I would never carry a story one of my homies told me to another girl. Even if I am a mutual friend, even if we are cooler than the other chick- I know how to keep OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS to myself. Secondly, just as I know how to keep my mouth shut about other people's shit, I've learned now how to keep my mouth shut about my own shit.

Bitches talk too much. There has never been a situation where I have fallen out with someone on my own. It is always involving someone else saying something. Someone putting in their own two cents when they don't know shit about shit. I am always cool until some bitch (or nigga) goes back and reports that I like some nigga they like, or I was dancing with a nigga they talking to, or took a picture with they nigga and put it on facebook, or...


"I heard from five different people that you were trying to fuck my man last night! I am calling so that you can confirm or disconfirm(which isn't even the proper negation of confirm dumb ass akron bitch- guess that's what a textile and clothing degrees gets you!) if it is true..."
(EXCERPT from a voicemail some dumb OSU bitch left me... this is the nonsense I have to hear daily from OSU bitches!)


Yea, I liked that Kappa- but he ain't even with the bitch who was hating, so I ain't mad! Yea, I LIKED that Iota- but he ain't gone be with the bitch who is currently hating... he in it for the minute... just like his best friend since 3rd grade told me- "I don't even like _ _ _ _ _! I was just trying to get a few outfits out of her too!" Lmao.

Productivity & progression is the name of the game. I can't let these niggas make a fool of me EVER. Things are not always what they seem. GIRL #1 bragged about being taken out to the movies... when the fact is, she asked him, she picked him up and it was the DOLLAR SHOW, lol. GIRL!!!! #2 is just the jump off between two friends who are trying to get CAKED, lol even harder. Man, never could it be me! I just pray I've learned my lesson and will never have De'ja` Vu again!

I'm Fucking Up My Life Big Time!

Don't know where to start, don't know how to end- those are two things I always know before I begin an entry, but change is natural guess. I am fucking up my relationship with ATL- a perfectly good man, why? because I act like I can't pick up the phone? Man, this last week has been nothing but going to sleep at 9 and missed calls on my cell. I am losing contact with all my close friends and what's sad is this is just the beginning.

Went to Tiff's after work today, me & Bink went on a little walk (since that is apparently one of the new words she has learned and can't stop chanting) before she fell out in a temper tantrum & made people in the neighborhood think I was abducting her.
It made me realize that I can not wait to have kids. Even when she is a horror- I love her sooooo much. I am blessed that up to this point I haven't made the mistake of getting pregnant and having an abortion. I will never say NEVER, but I can not wait to be a mom. I was thinking of something Polaris once said to me about us having children- and at this precise moment it makes me wonder WHY I still associate with his ass. The thing is, ATL is on the opposite side of the board- telling me he would love for me to be the mother of his children one day soon- yet I am somehow blowing him off for a nigga who won't promise me anything? Fuckin up!

I know one thing, I am keeping my options open. It's summer, I am talking to quite a few gentlemen, some I like MORE than the others, some are there JUST to pass the time, some I thought I was certainly done with (Polaris- among others!) but somehow, when I see them at Apple Bees or walking through my dept. at work- I get a chill that let's me know I still have feelings.

I just have to keep reminding myself to keep it moving... men are just "charmers" and though they say many things to gas me up- I know most of it is game. It's easier said than done when guys are making statements like...


"I think you are attractive, cool, fun to be with, and real down to earth... I am feeling you for real."

I could just turn into puddy in the palms of their hands! But I have to remind myself of what's important in my life right now. I often think of this guy I was feeling from freshmen year~ hmmmm I am not even sure if I ever stopped liking him or not. He use to send me to the left, then he finally threw me a bone after fours years. No sooner than that he threw me right on the back burner telling me he was preparing for law school and he had no time for friends. A very determined young man... very determined. I guess men should always be the least of my worries. I should leanr to disregard people, pick up NO new friends.. keep my priorities straight, have that same determination. Religion, Work, School, Men- that's the real order- I have to KEEP reminding myself... before I fuck up my life again.




Like I was telling Tiffany earlier- I let both Maize & Blue and Polaris change me. I don't think I will ever be the Lindsay I once knew and that saddens me. I am already well up this road of being heartless with no regard for anyone. It is at no fault of my own, it just happened through experience. I guess only those who knew me before 2001 know the real me that is hiding inside. I guess those people are the only ones who can tell tales of the woman who once was....

"I will never, no more be the same!" ~ Dr. H. C. Kinley 1931

Get Yo' Weight Up!

First and foremost I have been thinking about how much effort and energy it takes to hate on a person. You have to check aim, read blogs, make calls- man hopefully haters' internet is free and they have unlimited minutes because hating can also be costly. All I know is if haters put half the effort that they do hating into their appearance and personality- maybe they wouldn't have to HATE.

I was born with logic that if I wanted someone or something, I would have to better myself to get to that objective, you know- step my game up. It has never crossed my mind to pull someone else down or have the standards lowered so that maybe I could get some airtime. I guess this is why I am so confused at how much bitches hate. I guess it is what it is.

And I'll tell you something else... skinny has never been "in" especially outside of the White community. Yes, fit is in- but the only time skin and bone is hot is when you're smoking out of a crack pipe. If you find yourself looking like Whitney Houston and you hating like Bill O'Reiley it's time for you to consult help. Get yo' weight up BITCH!

The One

Okay, I was going super crazy all week because stupid Columbus State dropped all of my classes. I got two back and I just learned today that I may possibly get the last back also. What is even funnier is that I was freaked out for nothing because Columbus State (unlike OSU) hasn't started classes yet. I was going along this whole time thinking that classes had started this Monday, when they don't start until the 26th! Silly me!

I said all that to say, that sometimes- things and people aren't what they seem. Situations are all different and one should deal with each situation on a case to case basis. I know I tend to jump face first into romances and get caught up, but I am seeing that the man I may be looking for and the man who is for me, may not be one in the same. Right now I am getting to know a man with no strings attatched. He is not asking anyone about me and I am not asking anyone about him. He is adult enough to communicate with me and I admire that so much.

I have so much on my plate right now, school starts next week, I am trying to get this 2nd job at Delphi and more than anything I am learning to let "things" happen in their own sweet time. Like I once said before in one of my other posts, my Dad is always telling me, "Slow down!" and I am finally taking heed. Just like I was so sure school started on Monday and lately I've been so sure about what I want in a man and more specifically who I want, I am SEEING The One may be someone I never SAW before

Coincidence? I Think Not!

No thing is left to chance, there is no real thing such as conscience- preordained... predetermined... it is already written. People can lie, twist the truth, withhold information- whatever... the truth always comes out, the truth ALWAYS prevails!

Yesterday evening, for the first time in a long time I went out on a date with someone I actually wanted to be with. It was not just another free dinner, I was chilling with a person who was definitely good company. All that is beside the point, I had a very bad day yesterday (i.e. Columbus State dropped all my classes- for reasons yet to be explained so now that prolongs my stay in Columbus another quarter) and my friend offered to take me out when and where ever I wanted to go. I don't like Apple Bees- and I usually don't eat late- but it was meant for me to go there at that time, and it was meant for me to see a "familiar" couple there, and I wasn't even mad.

The thing is, people hate on me because deep down inside they hate themselves. They realize that they are so inadequate that they MUST try to bring me down in order to accomplish their measly goals and aspirations. Why do people lie?

"A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous." ~Alfred Adler

I think people lie because they are too embarrassed and ashamed to face the truth. What I know for a fact is I am grateful my savior made me happy enough with who I am that I will never have to hate on another girl to get a man I want and furthermore I pray that he won't punish me like he has my hater- she is now barking up a tree- the wrong tree. She is chasing someone who denied being with her? Lol, a mess is a mess- that's all I can say.

What I have brought from this experience is to- KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT! I will never again let a hater so easily get a hold of information they can use against me. I will never again be straight up with a guy who is questionable to begin with. It's not worth it. The drama is not worth it. The is why I deactivated my facebook account. Besides, there are a lot of great guys on campus- I am learning that sometimes I just pick the wrong ones. Someone who won't give me the time of day because I was cool with his room mate years ago? Someone who won't give me the time of day because I was once dated a teammate of his before they knew each other and before he and I knew each other? Someone who won't give me the time of day because he was dumb enough to believe the word of a lying hating bitch when she said I was after his line bruh? Nonsense! Like I said before- my judgment has been wrong in the past- and my luck has lied in good men finding me- even when I couldn't find them.

Things happen for a reason. Some people hate on you and smile in your face then so quickly stab you in your back!...

QUOTE

She just hangs with us when her other friends aren't around

END QUOTE

The people I keep in my company I do genuinely care about. They may not be my friends- but I am not a heartless bitch. It's just good to know that people talk- people gossip- niggas come running and tell me EVERYTHING thats said about me! I'm not mad and my feelings can't change about anyone no matter what the have done to me, at most I have pity for them! Satan can't help who he is. That was all defined in the Day Of Eternity.

Happy Birthday to my Polaris. We started a new chapter a week ago, things seem different this time around- I just hope that maybe in the end I will have at least gained a friend from Columbus that I will always know!

I DRANK...

I'm supposed to stop but I can't!

Man, it's official, I think I need to quit drinking for real! From here on out Social Drinking only on special occasions. Well, no- not even then seeing that I partied from 3pm-3am celebrating my friend Nikeya's Son's first birthday, Felicia's 24th & Scott's 26th. I had so much fun yesterday, it should be illegal. We ate and DRANK at Spice from 7-10pm, hit up a couple of bars in the Arena Dist. before heading over to cove round' 11:45. This is when I realized- either I am becoming a light weight or I have out grown this drinking shit! I guess the reality sank in today at 6am when I woke up in my bed. The things is, I specifically remember falling asleep on the living room couch??? Since Erin is gone for the weekend, and to date I have always remembered coming in my room (no matter how drunk or sick I've been) this shit is really bothering me. Was I that gone that I can't remember my last foot steps? CRAZY!

Well, school starts back for me tomorrow and I am mad nervous. From here on out there is no more fucking up for me. No more games, no more parties, no more drinking. School, work and studying are my new hobbies and I am going to strive to do the best in all three.

I guess it's good to say that my love life is bordering non existent. Right now I have no distractions and though I do like the company and conversation of a gentlemen here and there I am also realizing that they are a waste of time and gas. Most of these dudes don't have cars, aren't in walking distance and even further I CAN WATCH A MOVIE BY MY DAMN SELF.

It's Father's Day & my parents will be back through Columbus this evening. Since I got rid of all incriminating materials when they came through on Friday on their way to Kentucky- no I can focus on maybe cooking for them & doing some nice things so that they can be honored on their way back through.

For a long time I was unhappy... I still have a bad attitude by all means, but lately I have been feeling GREAT. And now that my homie will be in town from the NFL, things may be "better". We'll see though. I keep swearing off niggas- then next thing I know, I'm back- it's the same way with liquor... but for real this time!

Life Goes On

"When you're up it's never as good as it seems & when you're down you never think you're going to be up again...but, life goes on." ~Fred Jung Blow

It take a person with great character to enjoy the moment in the midst of their sorrows- and I aspire to one day be that person. I am proud to say that I did do it the other night while chilling with Polaris. Not for a moment did I think about the past, how he treated me- what we'd been through in the last few months, all I did was chill and be happy that we were enjoying each other's company. We're living in a world where both men and women can be quite vicious- but instead I am focusing on the softer more welcoming side of people's personalities. The fact is- people can consistently hold up a phony facade that couldn't be farther from the truth and this was confirmed to me again Tuesday evening.

A friend of mine asked me to sleep with him the other night. A nigga looking for sex will never be a new story- but it's just so funny that he has a "wifey"- a "wifey" who he has convinced (along with his friends and other surrounding onlookers) that I am after him. He has his bitch looking at me like I am trying to steal her man. He has his boys saying things to me like, "At this point, you NEED me to get him to fuck with you."All these niggas on campus look up to him, all these bitches on campus want a piece of him and I am neither. I am not going to focus on the fact that he played me to his girl & his boy & made me out to be this desperate stalker- I am going to smile at the fact that he and I both know the truth! I likeD him he likes me, he wantS me and now I am not looking for the "DRAMA" (lmao)!

You would think people would graduate and grow up a little, but niggas are playing the same old games. Still trying to fuck the same girl you didn't in undergrad, still running that same game you did in high school. When do niggas grow up? When does life go on? As for me- I have yet to receive my degree and STILL I'M not on the bullshit. The other day I told my boy who plays for the same NFL team as "Maize & Blue" that I still believe I could have him back. He insisted that I elaborate- but I decided that it wasn't important to list facts because I DON'T & NEVER WILL want him back. Of course the nigga went on to say, "He just had another baby. He is about to marry his baby's mom. He definitely ain't on you. Etc. Etc." But the fact is... he still hasn't gotten that tattoo removed!

Music Break...

I'm bossy

I'm the first girl to scream on a track

I switched up the beat of the drum

That's right i brought all the boys to the yard

And that's right, I'M THE ONE THAT'S TATTOOED ON HIS ARM

I'm bossy (Kelis)

Back to the regularly scheduled programming...

And what's even more amusing to me is the fact that after this "CHILDish" nigga hits me up about "Maize & Blue", telling me about him bad mouthing me, insisting that I could NEVER get him back- "Maize & Blue" starts texting me again! It's funny that a man could have the whole world convinced that I treated him wrong and that I had a bad attitude, when the fact remains that I was the BEST thing that ever happened to him and HE is STILL in love with me. Why front? I always put him first, I stood for a whole lot of "DRAMA" and bullshit, I did nothing but love him! Now he got a bitch who was smart enough to have a baby by him right before he signed his contract. He got a bitch who doesn't really love him, she was just trying to birth her meal ticket. He got a bitch who is not trying to build a life with him, who is not trying to have a real family with him- but she is so hot to get HER TUBES TIED because she knows she has trapped enough to have her bills paid for life now, lmao! All that doesn't matter though, my question is this, why are both you niggas having success and living a life long dream of playing for the NFL yet YOU still find a way to bad mouth me and YOU find a way to be "CHILDish" and instigate? When do niggas grow up? When does life go on?

All I know is this, I have done some things in my time that make me want to cover up my face and go hide under a rock! But, when it comes down to it I KNOW the good in me out weights the bad. I have forgiven myself for the terrible things I may have done in the past and I am praying that Yahweh will cause me to do much more positive things. It just comes down to this, I am GROWN. I know people are going to continue to bad mouth me, but I will not let a little "CHILDish" birdie influence me to harbor unrighteous thoughts. Erin once told me, "It is hard to believe the good things people try to tell you about yourself, but it's takes a hater to point out the things that are really good in your life." And I have found that statement to be true- many times over. People dog my attitude, the way I dress, MY RELIGION, man the list goes on- but these are all the things that are right in my life. I am not going to let anyone drag me down by negativity. Like I mentioned in the beginning, I am focusing on the moment and the positive things. No more wondering about Sean Coffey, no more wondering about where my homie Dave Whitted has been in the last 7 years, no more wondering about what life would have been like with Jason Dorsey still on Earth. The thing is, I have many other men in my life who will do me better than he ever did, he has been MIA for 7 years but Derrick has been here for 11 and though he is with my heavenly father- I got plenty of dudes I rekindled flames with that have gone ALL BAD... so I won't worry about the past because life goes on. I am a good woman and one day a good man and good friends will find me...

"How many brothas fell victim to the streets
Rest in peace young nigga, there's a heaven for a G
be a lie if I told you that I never thought of death
my niggas, we the last ones left,

but LIFE GOES ON..." (2Pac)

A Day Late- Dollar Short!

Good things come to those who wait. I waited waited waited- then I gave up. Now by "some" circumstances not certain to myself, he seems to be acting right? Even though I still like him so, I didn't get his "call" until AFTER I had already moved on- or, moved backwards rather. After a five month hiatus I am talking back to Polaris. Things seems DIFFERENT this time, as they always do in the beginning- but I am definitely interested to see where this is going.

Polaris is my type of nigga by far... while the man who is "late" was NEVER my type. My girl Nikeya was telling me the other day that maybe I need to venture outside of the men I usually deal with, then maybe I will find the one for me? I gave it a couple tries- & men are all the same whether they are my type or not. So, now I am just going to go with the flow. It's summer, I start classes in six days, I have an interview for a second job on Thursday and I want to start studying for my LSATs ASAP!. I've began writing a new chapter with an old friend and though I have liked and given up on a certain man- I am leaving my options open. NFL will be in CO on Sunday, ATL is buying my ticket to Mexico here shortly- so I don't know what the future holds. I can say one thing- Polaris was right on time and if he opens my heart again- all these "other factors" can forget about it, because they are a day late dollar short!

In Love With A Man I Can Not Have?...

Why do I always shit where I eat? I am for real this time, I've learned my lesson. Yes, I still don't see the fault in talking to two friends at one time or one after the other if it was nothing serious, but I al realizing I always make the wrong choice. And every time , I don't get to have the man I want. This time is no different from the others, but this time my feelings are so much deeper- & I don't even get to express them.

Last night he told me "the situation is too hairy," what the fuck does that mean. He thinks I am hot as fuck- but it's not even like that. When I was walking up to him, so random nigga grabs my arm & it looks like he was someone I was talking to, but truth be told he was just some dude trying to holla- but Esco ain't hearing it though. Then as we're talking outside of Cove, his boys walks up and calls me by name "Lindsay" and claims we use to be cool back in the day! Niggas just be hating. He claim he met me when I use to work at FOOTLOCKER?!?!- NEVER worked there in my life. He was just some groupie nigga who was porbably always in my face and learned my name from one of his boys. Let Esco tell it, it's just another example of me being hot! He need to step up and realize I DON'T LOVE THESE HOES!

I think I am going to hit up Maize & Blue, I think we need to discuss why he has been bad mouthing me for the last three years when he is the one who did ME wrong. & Most importantly I need to know why I can't have Esco Bar, & if it really makes a difference to him if me & his boy get at each other. What's the purpose?

Same Old Shit Dog Just A Different Day

Okay, I talked to an old acquaintance today and talking to him did nothing but pull up a whole lot of old drama from my past. His first text was informing me that Maize & Blue will now be playing for the Patriots with him :-( next was just throwing a whole lot of shit from my past in my face. I am sure Maize & Blue has a mouth full of bullshit to tell everyone, but the fact will remain that I treated him like gold and in turn he treated me like shit! So, I ended it!

It seems like my old acquaintance has a problem with how I cut him out of my life and says that I have a behavior and reputation of doing this with many people. I come of as very conceited and hold my self in too high of an esteem? You got to be kidding me? So what the fuck am I supposed to do, let someone run over me & continue to lay there while they shift to reverse? My thoughts are that if someone does me wrong I am not going to give them the chance to do it again! I am cutting them off and they are dead to me! Secondly, yes I do think very highly of myself but I also hold others in highER esteem than I.

In the last five years of my life there is one thing that I am certain of, no matter what you do or say someone is going to have a problem with you. You can be the most pleasant and pure person in the world, yet someone will find fault in what you are doing. One has to be a fool to think I am going to speak to them when we aren't cool.... WHAT FOR YOU FUCKING IDIOT! One has to be even more foolish to believe just because MANY people say the same thing about me- that it's true. Even if I do to you what many say I do to them, it's still not true. If I had a nickel for every rekindled friendship that was bruised by someone taking something the wrong way. Just last Saturday ANOTHER female told me that she wished we had been friends sooner and that she should not have listened to a "certain" persons image of me.

I am very comfortable in my skin right now. I know who I am, I know who I want to become, and I know the roads I have to take to get there. I am not worried with the people I have fallen out with I am only concerned with the people I am friends with. I am not concerned with old niggas "I" broke up with(i.e. Maize & Blue), I am only concerned with ATL.

People, continue to bad mouth me- those who are real can see right through that. If I am so conceited, if I am such a bitch, if I am all these negative things- why do so many people continue to befriend me, why do so many people come to me for advice, and the most important question you should ask yourself is, why do you think and talk about me so much? Grow up!

This Week Was Phenomenal...

Until Today :-(

Well, my Roya Lee GRADUATED from Reynoldsburg Senior High School on Wednesday June 5, 2005!!! I am so proud of her!

But then today I spilled BLEACH on my colored clothes. Oh and they couldn't be the free t-shirts I wear around the apartment, no; they had to be my dress clothes from Express. It's alright though, once I get this new job on Monday- I will be able to go buy some new ones! Then again it still sucks because I will have to dress up at the new job, so those clothes could have come in handy! Oh well.

Lately I have been thinking about rekindling an old flame. I know "Chi-Town" would kill me for saying this, seeing that it was a mere few months ago when I swore "Polaris" off for life- but things change- feelings change. I know we had a lot of bad blood between us, but I am hoping that this time around things will be different because I am a completely different person. I am sure he has not change much, but I can not be too concerned with what he is doing with his life.

The thing about men is that they're just as complicated as women- just in a different sense. As soon as you make an ultimatum, show too much emotion, try to "trap them", etc. they run! Where women would wake up and realize that maybe this is the man for them, men get scarred and convinced them selves otherwise. So, I am learning to stop expecting so much out of men- especially when they were never made to act the way I want them to. What I am going to do now is be more focused on enjoying the moment. I am always so stressed out about the future and preserving things- that I forget what is most important... MY LIFE AT THIS VERY MOMENT!

From here on out, I am not going to let ANYONE pressure me affirmatively or negatively. I am my own person. I am not going to let comments from my enemies or from men that I like pursue me to do anything I am not comfortable with. I may be viewed as a lame- but the same lame I am now- was the one I was @ Shaw High, & being this lame got me out of High School with out a child. One more year down & being this lame will get me out of Undergrad. I have to live with what I do, & I am wise to learn from my friends' mistakes. I won't be the one on the table getting an abortion or treated for STD's. My GOD! These are the lips I will be kissing my nephew with- I am at peace knowing who I am and that I can be counted on. And further, I am at peace knowing that the man who is lucky enough to be with me one day will be proud that he has someone intelligent enough to not to have been with every nigga on the block.

People will make you feel bad for your wrong decisions and people will make you feel even worse about your good ones. Just remember to do what's good for you and to take care of yourself FIRST! In the END, no one else really matters.

Maybe I Am Living In A Fantasy....

But I am looking for a man who can make it a reality. I am sick of settling and I am ever more sick of expecting certain guys to be men they were never meant to be. So, I am going to take a little bit of the advice I was giving Aric today and make myself a better person. It's something like the age old concept...

If you build it, they will come.

We have to always be ready! We have to be prepared with our "oil in our lamps" (like in the old testament) having wishful thinking so when the husbandman does come, we are on our feet. I could continue all day about how things in my life aren't what I wish they were, but things in my life ARE RIGHT. My life is what Yahweh willed it to be. They is they way it is supposed to be an rather than complaining about the bad I am going to appreciate the good.

"Are you going to complain because roses have thorns? Or are you going to rejoice because thorns have roses?" ~Ziggy

I am just looking at other peoples lives with judgment lately and I realize how lucky I am to have the EYES to SEE a good thing. Though people try to make negative out of everything I do and am, I will continue to see the good in people. While people are letting me pass them by I feel lucky that I know I am a good person. I am thankful for the friends I can give advice to (Aric) because in giving advice to others I am also learning about myself and growing as a person.

I just hope that I make the right decisions in the near future. I hope that I can get out of school next Spring... Summer at the latest and get into Law School. I am starting to realize that maybe I shouldn't be looking for love in Ohio or Ohio State rather because this time next year it would only be a stepping stone holding me back from where I need to be. I just need to find someone who is on the same page as me; a business minded individual who is not about games and is adult enough to communicate. Just a guy with an open mind and an open heart. Lately, I have been focusing on appearance to much. Just because a guy looks cute, has a nice body, or has a little bit of style does not mean that his spirit is comparable. People are not always who they seem.

I love that I have rumors going around that I am a hoe. I love that people see how I dress and assume I am shallow. I love that some believe I have the spirit of a dumb blonde. Even though all of this couldn't be further from the truth it just aids in weeding out the people who aren't open minded enough to find out themselves. As a small child I learned this from the I.D.M.R. that you can not take anyone's word for anything, you have to find out for yourself. Only those who are willing to find out about me themselves are worthy enough to be my friends.

I don't know know what's going to happen this summer, I just hope that Yahweh allows things to work out. Just maybe ATL is the one for me. He is the only one who is stepping up to the plate- & I LOVE his form. I can't dwell on OTHERS anymore, I can't dwell on the past. I could spend all day speaking of the negative or five minutes on the positive. I know the ball is in my court- I just don't know if I should make this fantasy a reality. I just don't know if I should drop all my feelings for OTHERS & make this thing official.

Drama

Okay, I guess I have drama now with some random Amazon looking dyke? Well- whatever, I really AM NOT on it @ all. I am 23 & I will be damned if I go to jail over fighting some hoe. I promise myself that if I EVER go down it will at least be for attempted murder. So, it is what it is.

Secondly, I am sick of being hated on by this same girl. I noticed she hasn't been to my blog in a couple of days, I guess that's because she got all the material she needed from it in order to hate on me. Well- her attempt was successful. I guess when you are dealing with gullible young men whom are easily persuaded- it not hard to push their buttons. All I have to say is one should never assume what they hear about me is true. From what this nasty pussy eating dyke says- I am a rat and have a "red alert" reputation on campus... when I have never been with ANYONE on campus ever? Dumb bitch! She fucked my Iota nigga within five minutes of meeting him. Little did she know I set her out to him. When she told me she was interested, I left the room & told him to try & fuck- 15 minutes later, after they had just met- DONE DEAL, lmao! So really, who is the rat? My point is this- people who believe everything they hear in 2006 are too ignorant for me to even befriend. If you want to know about Lindsay, why not ask Lindsay? Don't hit me with accusations and shenanigans!

Like I said, these niggas and bitches need to realize that they WILL miss me & they WILL need me before I will EVER need them! I have transportation, I have job which aids me in paying bills, I have an apt. where I lay my head EVERY night, I have two best friends who think the world of me, the list goes on. You will never hear me asking anyone to pay my way in the club (other than Howards, lmao!) (who is the one who got your ragedy ass in COVE when they stopped you at the door?), you will never hear me asking you to wait on me for the club- Boo, I got to a ride. ME! & my car has NEVER broken down, even so I got what we call a sister with a car!

Rumors? Drama? I feed off that shit. Desperation? Because I am aggressive towards men? Well I'd rather be aggressive towards a man than eating another bitches pussy any day! So, call me desperate. Sloppy? You're crazy, no matter how big you want to claim I am- MY BODY IS SICK! I have more than tits I have more than ass, I have a curve in my back that makes many men weak in their knees. So, keep it moving!

Look, okay you want the two Iotas? Take em! You got em! No need to hate! Because if I knew from the beginning that I was dealing with some niggas that don't give me the courtesy of hearing the truth from my mouth- I would have never been interested.

For those that DON'T like me...I could give a fuck! They didn't like Yahshua the Messiah either when they nailed him to the cross and castrated him... but you know what... they remembered his name!


"0% tolerance for any nigga, bitch, or any bitch and they nigga or, any nigga and they bitch or any bitch ass niggas!" ~Nikki


Fuck you dyke! Fuck you hater! Fuck those that believe everything you hear! Truth be told your girl L. would never do ya'll dirty like you do her!

Two Sets Of Fifty...

Three times a day will get my abs back to where I need the to be, lol. This week has been good so far! Sometimes it's better to improve one's self rather than hate on others. The time and energy spent hating only takes away from time your could be using to indirectly love yourself. Well, that's where I am right now- SELF IMPROVEMENT. I am going to continue to use this blog for my many reasons... majorly to vent, to continue to improve my writing skills (because a year from now that will be my bread and butter), and also to help with my communication problems. As I continue to grow as a person, so will this blog, love it or leave it!

More and more everyday I am realizing that my communication problems are a lot more severe than I thought before. No matter how hard I try to express myself to others, I am not taken seriously and am set on that back burner- and I am sick of it. Some think I am running game, others think I am lying, but truth be told I am serious about everything I do. I know it's said that...

"If you can do a half- assed job of anything, you're a one- eyed man in the kindom of the blind" ~Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

and though I sometimes view myself as a "Jack of all trades" I never do a half assed job- I always give my all. No matter if it be my friendships, my job @ Nordstrom :-/ telling a man how I feel about him, or getting dressed in the afternoon- I never say what I don't mean and I never do what I don't feel. That's the truth about it.

I guess I can't worry about spilt milk, H2O under a bridge... those who like me like me, those who don't won't! I have to live with that. I am just going to continue to progress and give my all to everything. I am back in school, I found a new job, didn't get that man I was looking for (as of yet), all that's left (and is under my own control) is finding a new apt. and getting into shape. FOUR days down... Two Sets of Fifty (100), 3 times a day(morning, noon, & night). That means I give 100% into what I say and do MORNING, NOON & NIGHT. I swear to "God" & I put that on my life.

I've Got The Internet Going Nuts ;-)

Compromise

The worse situation to be involved in in-any relationship is when someone won't meet you half way. Whether is be a courtship or merely a friendship, everyone is looking for reciprocity. In 2006 I have heard so many people (both male and female) say that they want someone who is up front and honest with them, but I am finding more and more... that's not what we're really looking for. What we want is someone who is going to sugar coat, bend the truth, play games, etc. Well, I've been down that road many times before and I would rather take the road less traveled- DRAMA FREE.

Why is it that I am willing to sacrifice my pride among other things to gain the interest of someone who quote ain't got time end quote and views me as a begin quote sketchy situation end quote? It has to be much more than feelings of like that have me pining over someone who won't give me any act right and is not willing to compromise at all in order to get close to me. I know later down the line he will realize what he passed up, but I am so sick of that predicament. I am so sick of having feelings for men, (men that could see- but CHOOSE not to see what I have to offer) then they end up coming back to me months or years down the line proclaiming that they made a mistake in passing me up. Fuck that shit! I like you now, you like me now... we should not let anything get in between that. Not some hating bitch who is your ex lover, and not someone who claims to like me but doesn't even step his game up or come around. What for?

All I know is that I would never compromise what we have or what we could develop into. Yea, I may converse with someone, but when did "talking" become illegal. I guess I didn't get that memo. I just see now, you can't have good intent in this cold ass world. You can't treat Black men like kings, you can't have basic friendships and be "sweet on niggas" because it counts for NOTHING! I will not and I can not turn into that woman who doesn't know how to treat a real man, because that's not me. I just hope that the next time I fall in like with a MAN, he is someone who believes me when I say I wouldn't compromise what I want between us over someone who I have luke warm feelings for...


(Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love. Right?)


and that maybe I will have someone who is willing to meet me half way, willing to compromise.

Some Say Love Is A Thing One CAN'T Put Their Hand On...

I CAN'T Agree Because I've Had My Arms Wrapped Around It!

Man, lately I have had a lot on my mind, like really examining the way a treat people- especially those that mean the most to me.

I am a very caring person by nature, but when it comes down to it there are very few that I can call my true blues. I have found that sometimes family members- the one who are supposed to be my constants, aren't always who they should be or seem to be. I am also finding that "falling out" with people is not a personal problem of my own, some people are just meant to be around for a certain time.

Just when Dalana walked out of my life... along came Derrick.


Just when Kim walked out of my life... along came Nikki.












We just need to acknowledge that Yahweh has a better plan. His plan may not cause for us to ALWAYS be cool with everyone at all times. His plan may not cause for us to be happy physically. And more times than less, he will not cause for our eyes to opened and he will not let us in on his plan. This is the way of life.

We need to realize that when we are up close and personal with our problems they look a mess...

and we just can't fathom/comprehend why he would put these "mountains" in our lives. We may not realize that problems are there to make us better people, to make us appreciate the beauty later on in "LIFE". It's like a Monet, if we take a few steps back, we will see that those problems, were indeed something

WONDERFUL!

we were just looking at it from our own perspective instead of [his].

FALL BACK BREATH EASY!