Feeding The Fire

At times I feel like I am literally in a hell of my own making. Sometimes I know people have ill intent before I even give them the chance to act it out, yet I walk right into the trap. I let people (men more times than not) wheel me in with their bait. This fact leads me to believe that maybe I like a little bit of drama and pain, better yet I love little! Who knows why I do and who knows if I will ever get hurt enough to learn my lesson, but when a time like this comes along- when I am just evaluating my past- I have no choice but to acknowledge it.

These games we play are going to get us into trouble. We all claim to be on some grown and sexy shit, but we all have subtle tricks we think will help us catch someone's eye; not calling too much... because the "heart grows fonder", openly flirting with someone of the opposite sex while the person we really want to be with is in eye's shot, finding something wrong with the other girl he is talking to- HATING on her so that maybe through that you will find away to lift yourself up? Man, isn't it so exhausting? All I know is, if we all had the guts to be real with ourselves and the other people in our lives (whether they be people of interest, girls we hang around once a blue, or even fam) the world would be a much better place. Instead we decide to play these games.

Well, I am sick of it... not calling when I want to because I don't want to be viewed as a bug-a-boo, seeing clothes in the mall when I am shopping and not buying them because "it's too soon in the friendship", not inviting him over when I've prepared a home cooked meal, not writing him poems or making him considerate things because I am not sure if he cares for me as much as I care for him. Why does this matter? Why can't we just give our love freely, why is this world so cold that we have to put limits and boundaries on how much we care for a person? I don't know why!

At this point I have allowed so much drama to seep into this situation that our spot is all blown up..."The Block Is HOT" because by playing these game I am feeding the fire! Will I let things slow down so that maybe the embers will be cool enough for us to walk side by side on- I don't know. Something has got to give.