In this last year I have learned that I have to do what makes ME happy. I can't continue to focus on what makes everyones else's life easier, because at the end of the night I only have myself. I use to always tell Maize & Blue that, "take care of yourself, because no one else will." So, I am finally taking my own advice- practicing what I preach. It doesn't really matter what looks right to the persons on the outside looking in, as long as I can look in the mirror and be happy.
ATL has been pressuring me I feel. I wish I had gotten a job in the beginning of the summer so I could have afforded to visit him now. He will be paying for my trip- but my bills @ home will be waiting, so I have to take one for the team and pass. So, I missed the trip to Mexico, the trip to ATL, and if I don't get my shit together soon- I will be missing the trip to PARIS! ATL will now be moving to Paris next month to play basketball. I sometimes wonder what could have or would have been if I would have graduated in May like expected. If I would have had the mind set that I have now, last summer- my life would be completely different! But, instead, all I have now if half a dozen guys in half a dozen cities urging me to hurry and get my degree so I can move. Life is funny like that.
Okay, I talked to Big Time the other night for all of two hours. It's been a long time since I have had a conversation for that length of time on the phone. I know I said I wouldn't mention him anymore, but after our conversation I see that he isn't as secretive as I. What I do know is that this may be going somewhere. He isn't way in the south like ATL, he isn't having women troubles like Boston and he definitely doesn't treat me in the same manner as these niggas who live in CO do. I think I am ready to get rid of Polaris.... when I move into my new apartment I am just going to move on period.
I am not a player, but I am going to do what I have to do to make mySELF happy. If someone is judging me- let that be their problem. I am 23 and I am still waiting to have my first love. I am 23 and I am still waiting to make an impression on this world. I am 23 and I am waiting to finally live. It will happen.
Maurice Clarett, you're in my prayers. I will ALWAYS be a fan, I am not fair weather- I know(firsthand) that people make mistakes, some that can be reversed and others that are life altering. Shit happens! All you people out their judging and commenting on him and his situation- take the time to look in the mirror. When is the last time you examined yourself? The time is now.
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