About when I was a little girl and how sweet I was. She tells me that, even as a child I was a really good friend, and she would watch other children mistreat me (one in particular- who will be married next week) and it would piss her off. She said one night she decided to talk to me about it, but when I responded I began crying and told her that she was going to make me think that I didn't have any friends. She said at that point she never brought it up again. Well, now it's 2006 and I call her a lot and mention different acquaintances. It is only a matter of time before I am calling with news about how the bitches have betrayed me. In many ways I am still that same gullible heart felt little girl, but over the years I have wised up. I know the difference between my girl and my friends.
I am not the one to swing the word "friend" around lightly. No, by no means is my sincerity in question- but, I often wonder how phony the company I keep is. Who is talking beind my back, who is jealous- no! envious of me (because we all know Yahweh is jealous... the real meaning of the word states that one who is jealous is worthy of praise, and these bitches ain't worth of anything), who should I trust.
"Never have any friends less than yourself!"
When you roll with bitches you have to watch them closer than you watch you enemies. It's always the ones closest to you who have to undermined scheme. I guess this is why I have been hurt more by the people who I care for rather than elsewhere.
There are a lot of things my mother told me. There are a lot of things she still tells me. Some have come to past, some I acknowledge, so I rebel against- but all are probably true. I am becoming more of a woman everyday and I am proud of that. I am learning that there are less and less people I can count on, but I am blessed to have the ones who are permanent. Life is constantly progressing. A month from now life as I have known it will be COMPLETELY different. Celestial will be married and most importantly Elise will be a mother. I just hope that she will be half of the mother that our mom has been to us. She did some fucked up shit when we were coming up, but her good has ALWAYS outweighed her bad. And, more than anything I hope that I will be able to express to my mother what she has been to me... my everything. And though I hurry her off the phone here, and start an argument with her there nothing will change the fact that the most repeated line in my vocabulary is My Mom Says....
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