Man, I am realizing how much niggas ain't shit in 2006. They play games, they lie, the run you over and the worse thing of all is the fact that us females allow it(including myself). I had a dude I was feeling for a while dog the shit out of me then last I heard he picked up a girlfriend. I guess I am kind of over him, but he came to see me the other night, and once again wooed me with his charming personality. Nothing happened, but when he left he parted with a kiss on my neck? I don't know what to gather from that- but I know I wouldn't go for my man kissing another girl on the neck. This world is crazy!
Last night after Polaris wasn't available I went to see a couple of my old flings. I chilled with one and agreed to a relationship with him... I think we were both serious- yet I don't think we are really a couple??? I know- that's a contradiction, but whatever... we'll figure it out. After I left his place I called my Ball Player and when he told me that he stayed on 9th & _ _ _ _ _ _ _, I thought to myself, "that's where I just left from!" Yea, turns out that he lives three doors down from the guy I agreed to being in a relationship with. I don't know what it is about me talking to guys in the same complexes, but this is the third time this has happened to me- at least I will save gas money, lol.
So, after I left from chilling with the Ball Player, I called the nigga I was referring to in the first paragraph. Deep down inside I kind of wanted to know if there was something behind that kiss and that was confirmed when he told me, "I might do something to you or try to do something... You better be careful... I know I'm going to try something." I think it is amazing that he has only been in a relationship with this beautiful girl for only two weeks and he is already trying to cheat? My thoughts on that... I hope he was joking when he claimed to have a girlfriend- because if he does, she's not going to be a happy camper!
So, I hit Polaris up one more time and expressed very strongly how I didn't appreciate being played and that he must not take me seriously because "I don't leave jewelry over his place!" lmao. Now, if I would have made a comment like that a year ago, he would have blown up on me- but the message he left me this morning was real sweet. It kind of let's me know that our "friendship" has evolved immensely. He told me his bullshit lie, which didn't piss me off as much because I know he cared enough to at least make something up, when- once again- a year ago he wouldn't have even offered an explanation. I know there are other girls; blond hair in the sink... cheap forever 21 bracelets on the entertainment center... etc. - but, none of them are me... he knows that and I know that, so I'm not mad. Polaris just needs to realize... I won't be driving out to Polaris forever and I won't be living in CO forever... people move on, people move!
Now, I have to talk a little about this nigga who moved to Cleveland for Grad school. He has been trying to get on with me since my freshman year & I am def. not on it. He has played me to the left time and time again and now that he sees I am trying to get the ball rolling with his boy Thrill, he is trying to throw a wrench in my plans? Being friends is wonderful to me, but don't ever try to mess something up that I have because you fucked up after I gave you a second and third chance. Just let it go homie- you will NEVER have me!
Lastly, I spent my night at home alone. Once I left Spice, the Iotaa and the Ball Player I just sat on my couch and thought. I could have went out Hilliard with Tiffany, but I feel like I have been down that road before. Just another CRAZY nigga sending messages through someone else. Just another CRAZY nigga pretending to love me but showing me no love. "I ain't got time for time wasting." There may be rumors heard about me, but none of them are true. I am a lady and I don't love them and leave them. I am a lady, and as hard as I try I could never be insincere and not care for people. And more than anything- I may talk to friends, I may talk to bruhs, I may talk to dudes who stay in the same complex(or roommates even), I may talk to team mates- but there are lines I never cross. I am not fucking anyone and if I were I wouldn't be fucking and dogging one while trying to tell their ACQUAINTANCE that I am trying to be with them. I could be with Crazy, but I have to respect him, and because of what he is doing with old girl- I can't and as of now I am not sure how I feel.
Right now I am more amused by men than anything else. I am not disgusted or disappointed- I am just watchin the things played out that I already knew would happen. I am enjoying my female friends right now(kicked it with Tiff at Spice last night and saw Mel @ Sugar Bar for the first time in a while) and keeping my head out of the sand. I know niggas will tell me what I want to hear and I know they don't be talking about shit! Like I once said before I am continuing to let these niggas think they are getting over on me but that couldn't be farther from the truth. Actions speak louder than words.
"What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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