Rest In Peace...

I wonder what it would have been like if Jason were still alive. Would I have fell out with him by now or would he have been a really good friend? For some reason I feel it would have been the latter, I would have had someone in Florida to run to and I would have been able to tell him how much I appreciate what he did for me... but, it's too late- that will never happen and I will never know.

It's funny how quickly we RUN through our every day lives without even taking the time to REMEMBER. The funny thing is, I still haven't gotten to that point where concerning Jason. It happened with Mahdi, happened with D.P., it happened with almost every homie I knew to die... there just came a day when I didn't think about them anymore, but with Jason- it's just different. Three weeks ago I went to visit a friend who stays around the corner from me. He is actually a guy I was feeling for a LOOOOOONG while, and after all this time I could never figure out why... until he walked out of his door to lead me to his apt. Don't get me wrong, I always thought he was a cutie; but when I looked up from the asphalt into his face- I was so stunned. He looked just like Jason. The Skin. The Eyes. The Hair. It all makes so much sense now. I think that because he subconsciously reminds me of Jason, I have built this false obsession. I dunno, all I know is I miss him.

No words can express how much I needed him in my life and no words can express how much I hurt because he is gone. I have a lot of acquaintances, but I have never had many friends. Someone without sneaky motives, someone who genuinely cared for me, someone who was willing to be real with me even when it meant taking away someone I thought was my blood.

Things will get easier come fall, that constant reminder will be moving to Cleveland and I can stop holding on for all the wrong reasons. No, I won't forget him, but I can't keep thinking about him everyday like he's still alive, it's not healthy. He will never be replaced... I just need to let him Rest In Peace... somehow.