What To Do- What To Do?

I know I should be looking at the obvious; fast money goes fast.
But I been too concerned with love and finding someone to make me laugh.
Someone who will be real- someone who will give his hand to me.
Someone to take care of me- a nigga worth making a family.
So sick of CO & OSU niggas always thinking they high and mighty.
Just looking for that dude to coincide with me not one who always tryna fight with me.
Not really throwing in the towel- but I am stepping up my standards.
Sick of him being my employee- time for that promotion to my MANager.


I have been thinking a lot about possibilities lately; what could have been, what is and what still can be. My mom has been telling my brother in law Emery not to sell himself short. He is a talented videographer who is constantly swiping his trade for things that are not comparable. I guess from the outside looking in- I am realizing that I do the same thing just in a different manner- I am constantly settling for shit that is not worth my time nor effort.

Well, I know one thing- I am going to go for what I know. I am no longer going to give more than I receive. I am pretty much sick of dealing with the shenanigans of others. I know what I want and I know what it takes to get there. I am not doing to predetermine failure with "Big Time" just because the stability isn't there. The fact is- things change. "Big Time" told me that he needs a girl like me in his life because I bring so much positivity; I will cause him to accomplish things that he has previously been shied from. So, I am ready to step up to the plate, I guess...

Today at work David and Eddie asked me where I was going out to tonite and I said no where. They immediately said, "H.R. (my nickname at work) musta got a boyfriend!" The funny thing is- I am burnt out. I am sick of dealing with bullshit- so now, even though I know there are other men I like and care about- I am feeling like throwing in the card. Yea, I am still a commitment phobic- but "B" is so real, so cool, so right- that he actually has me considering what I should do.