Down

It's funny that the most secure time in my life is when I have hit rock bottom; it's the floor you can't fall below, you know? When ever I am happy or something is going good- I never get to live in the moment because I am always too concerned, waiting, waiting for it all to disappear.


"...And still you gave me love, I wasn't use to that. Most of the people that gave me love, ended up taking it back..." Dark Man X Prayer IV


I know nothing lasts forever but I wonder how people can lie with such sincerity? I will never understand it. People will stand and tell you how much they love you, but then in one fair swoop- they take their love away?... I was talking to Chi- Town last night and she was analyzing my feelings to me. She said that I am not excited about love anymore because I am so use to being disappointed. Last summer every time Polaris would call I would hit her or Tiff for advice... "Should I go?", "Should I stay?" I think he is truly the closest I've ever been to "In love", but now- a year later I'm just so damned tired- it's routine. If this is love, I don't want any part of it.

After meeting up with Thrill last night I realize that in 2006 liking someone isn't enough. You have to jump through hoops, worry about their last relationships- or lack of, wonder what kind of man you're dealing with (unless you're dealing with a BOY that is)- it's just so complicated. Where love is concerned I am just about done...


"Though I've tried, fallen- I have sunk so low. I've messed up. Better I should know. So don't come round' here and tell me, "I told you so." We all begin with good intent. The love was raw and young. We believe that we could change ourselves, the PAST can be undone. But we carry on our back the burden time always reveals. In the lonely light of morning, in the wound we would not heal, IT'S THE BITTER TASTE OF LOSING EVERYTHING THAT I'VE HELD SO DEAR..." ~Sarah McLachlan Fallen


Things will just never be the same. I am so locked on disappointment and that will be my end. I'm not who I wanna be, but I'm not who I used to be. "I done came down (lol)."

P.S. I am no fool. Fake Jewelry tarnishes as time goes as does lust(Polaris). This is my bible... just because you read the bible does not mean you know God. Just because you read my blog does not mean you know Lindsay- Check the headline up top Boo... You THINK You Know, But You Have No Idea! Records are meant to be broken as are hearts.