For The 1st Time In A Long Time....

I am in like with someone

This has been a long day of thinking, and I still have a lot on my mind. I am not even going to lie. There are quite a few guys I have liked, many I thought were cute, even more I flirted with... why? I don't know- just to pass the time. Kind of the same reason why I go out on dates with guys I have no romantic interest in- to pass time and because I love movies and love food even more! My mom told me once, that it is a good idea to date different guys. She said that women my age are sometimes too young to really know what they want and need out of a man, so it is good to explore and see what it is I really want and need. I took her advice to heart.

I see now, that I am not looking for the star athlete, neither am I wanting the life of the party, nor the frat boy- but I want someone with substance. I am not saying that if someone is an athlete or popular- I would turn them down, but I want a man who is more than that. For instance, I want a man who considers basketball to be a part of his life, not a man who is just part of basketball's history.

Putting all that aside I think I have found someone who has sparked my interest. All my friends past and present know about the guy I loved from Caledonia (-present), the guy I loved from Kirk (-freshman year of college when I wised up), the guy I loved from OSU (-present, even though our relationship is kind of "funny") but now there is a fourth. Have you ever had a crush & you knew from the moment you met the person that it was different? Have you ever had a crush, but when you talked to him for the first time- you were disappointed, and you realized that maybe he wasn't who you thought he was? Well, I tell you what- it's sometimes worse when you have put a person on a pedestal and they not only prove you right, but exceed your expectations. That's where I am right now. Silly me, I sabotaged it and cut him off because he wasn't giving me enough of him. Now, I am just kind of confused.

What I don't understand about men is... if I am feeling you, and you are feeling me, why aren't we progressing? & I kind of feel a little stalker in me, because it has only been a couple weeks, but I know for sure- if we actually were on the same page... this would definitely be a great love. He seems to be someone with an edge! There is more to him than the regular _ _ _ _ boy! He is an artist; he has substance. This is what my mother told me about, I now know what I want in a man. I just don't know how to move on it.

The fact is, I have problems with men because I care too much. I am a just very caring individual. Every time I go out on a limb- I regret it. & as conceited as it may sound, they always come running back later- "after" they've realized what kind of a woman they played. By then, I am usually over and done with it. A couple of days ago I once again received that confirmation... after an absense of talking to a guy for a month and a half, he is all of a sudden seeing the light? He is all of a sudden hot to buy a ticket and come to CO asap? & I wonder, should I let him back in... and I wonder, should I move on this guy I think could be my next big crush... and I wonder, should I do both- then weigh my options later... and I wonder, should I take ATL seriously... man I have a lot of "should I's". I have a lot of questions.

Man... for the first time in a long time... I wonder should I have cut him off? Should it be damn him? or should it be damn my temper?

DAMN MY TEMPER!!!!