Esco Bar

I don't know why I've been thinking about him so much lately. For the past year it's been out of sight out of mind. It may have something to do with the fact that Maize & Blue has weazled his way back into my life. I can't call it, but something sure has resurrected my feelings about him. What could have happened? Shit, I may have never had a chance with Esco Bar in the first place but I wish I could truly know. I may not have pretty enough. I may not have been skinny enough. Shoot, I may not have been light skinned enough, who knows? And I guess what I am trying to ask is, will I ever know?

I stayed away from the football scene this year. I can count on one hand how many times I watched a game. I guess it had something to do with the emotional land mines I was afraid of coming across, but now it's off season and my heart is still on the verge of being blown to pieces. I didn't want to think about Maize & Blue, now I am. I didn't want to think about Charge It To The Game, now I am. I didn't want to think about Esco Bar, but here I am. Unavailable men is my weakness.

I really know how to choose them. I seem to fall for the greatest men; the ones that actually make it to the NFL, law students, small business owners, etc. It would be easier if they were all dogs, but that's not real. Some of them are sweet, many of them are accomplished and they all are SO damned good looking. Why can't I score? Maybe it's me. I have made TOO many mistakes and there are some moments I will never get back... moments I will regret for the rest of my life... and the one that is stealing an abundance of my thoughts is MLK weekend of 2006- tricky!?!? I'd say yes! I choose Polaris over him... never again!

All I can say is that I miss seeing his face, that was enough for me.