Cast Down, but Not Destroyed

HUMBLE, sometimes it's hard. I am trying very hard to become a better person. The more I try, the more I realize how fake my life was before. Chasing niggas who would not give me a chance. Hanging around chicks who really didn't have any love for me. Being true to my family because "blood is thicker than water" but somehow in the midst of everything my family did me dirty (Kim & Nikki). I am done with that portion of my life.

I am trying to love hard. I want to be the lover I have always been, the kind that will give all of me. I am not talking about sex. I am talking about being a lover. A lover to my family, a lover to my friends, a lover to myself.

I was down on myself for a long time because I really didn't know who I was. I am thankful that Yahweh has finally brought me to the point where the old me is gone but the new me is better than ever.

I am doing what I have to do now, so that my life will be the best it can be in the future. I just want it to be better for my kids. I don't want my kids to blame me. I don't want my kids to question how much I love them--or if I love them at all. I want my kids to look back and be able to recognize all I did for them, all my sacrifices and all my pain. I don't want them to worship me for it, I don't want them to show me thanks or to think they owe me anything, I just want them to do the same if not better for their kids. I lived a large portion of my life in uncertainty and I am sick of it. I want stability. I want to come home to someone. I want someone to talk to. I have a lot to get off my chest and I mean A LOT!!! I am kind of feeling that if I don't get this shit out of my system- it might destroy me...