Moving

I need to move into my own place next month. I have been debating on what area of town I want to move to. I narrowed my decisions down to the Central area. I'm not an Columbus-East side kind of a girl and my current stint on the west side has learned me that this area isn't for me either. Downtown and Grandview Heights seem to be my only options. I'm starting a new job in two weeks and I am taking a pay cut, so Downtown doesn't seem to be as realistic of an option as it did a week ago. The good thing about Grandview is, it gives an awesome view of downtown, with half the hassle and nearly none of the unsavory characters.

This angle has me thinking a lot about life. More accurately, this angle has me concerned with my current dilemma. Do I want to be a part of the view or do I want to enjoy the view?

In life there are many things I am coming to learn I will never be. It was never in the stars and Yahweh never made it a part of his purpose. Loyal friends, certain men, even certain opportunities just don't happen for everyone. While this saddens me, I try to look at the brighter and more significant side of life. I have an amazing family. No matter how often or how much my parents have let me down, I have so much respect for them that I'd rather live in black and white than to let the color in my life disappoint them. I have two sisters who are so different yet so phenomenal that it causes me shame to look in the mirror. I have this priceless family, that for better or worse causes me to not only be, but want to be a better person.

I can't have sex. I can't do drugs. I can't lie. And with all these restrictions come freedom. The things I can't do are my peace of mind. They are the things that saves me from Yahweh's condemnation.

I don't have a boyfriend; maybe I'll be alone for the rest of my life. I'm not okay with that, but I have to face facts and prepare myself for what might be. As Layzie Bone once rapped, "Prepare for the worse and hope for the best and the rest is written." If I am alone, I have to know that I can buy a home, a new car, support my family solely...be okay. If seven years from now I'm still alone and I decide to become a mother, I want that option to be feasible.

Maybe I will never be rich, but I never was. Honestly, I never thought I would live past the age of 12. Where I come from there aren't expectations--but exceptions.

Life is what you make it and I've made it. Next month I will not only be moving, but moving on. I can't keep up with the Joneses, I can only live the life that My Father deems acceptable. Clubs are cool and I've always loved going out, but I think the lot of the time I was just running from my own thoughts. Sometimes a quiet room can be the loudest place.

I am okay with the woman I've become. I love my thought process. I'm proud. Not many people understand me, but I get it. I sometimes beat up on myself, but I get that too. So I guess I won't be the trophy. I won't be looked at, but me view will be immaculate.