Peace

I don't know where I am in life anymore. I feel like I am at an in between stage. Night quite up, no quite down, but I'll be damned if I can this area neutral or LUKE WARM. I'm just in a place where equilibrium is off, but I can't say I'm unhappy. This are looking up. I am just ready to see where Yahweh is going to take me.

There are no prospects in my life, as of now. Yes, Alias is still stringing me along, and I have a couple fine brothers who I text and facebook with every now and again, but my heart isn't dropping the same way it use to. I guess, with Alias, this time around, this last delusional relationship has really drained me. In theory I want to be with someone, but I don't have the energy and at this point I am unwilling to make the time. I guess this is the best time to focus on class and school. This is the best time to put my best foot forward in other areas of my life. Graduation is 21 weeks away, and will be here before I know it. Then what? What will be my excuse? What will be holding me back from the real world? Nothing!

Glenn Johnson, I guy I met on the Internet nearly 10 years ago just published a book. I bought it and it just arrived today. I will hopefully read it in it's entirety tonight. I hope that A Thousand Chances will bring me some inspiration. I'm totally unmotivated and losing faith. I don't know why, but it's most likely because of the lack of progression over the last few months. I hope that Yahweh gets me on my game and brings some friends (no matter whether they're male or female) into my life that will shine light on me and my situations. I never want another Alias, not another Mustang aka Caddy, no more 5th Aves or Candle Lights, Big Times, Maize & Blues, Charge It To The Games, 4s, 1550s, Peter Pans, Polarises... basically, I don't want anymore men who don't know my worth, then their better than me, low down dog type niggas. I'm done with those kinds of men, if that mean me dating no more Black men- so be it. I never felt this way before, but the next White man to holler at me, I'm not turning him down. Maybe this is the way Yahweh wants it to be. I'm fine with that, I at peace.