Somethings Just Aren't Meant To Be

There will always be those women who are prettier and put together better than I am and there will always be those men who follow them. Those men usually think that a girl like me isn't good enough, but that's not true. In reality, I am good enough, maybe even better, but so many times my confidence is so weak that I only allow myself to see a delusion as reality.

No one is prettier than the next person. Contrary to the quite disturbing blog post Darryl Dunning insisted I read early this morning (3am), light skin has nothing to do with it. (Side note: Darryl has to be the biggest idiot I have ever met since living in Columbus!) Body type also has nothing to do with it. The amount of degrees (or lack of for that matter) all have nothing to do with how beautiful a person is. Just like any lottery winner will confess, it's all about consistency and being in the right place at the right time.

I am a firm believer in predestination. Every second is accounted for and though I sometimes entertain the thought, there is no such thing as coincidence. Everything is about fate. If I happen to have a clear mind on a pretty day and run into a man who also is light on his feet at that same time, it will be love at first sight. But, if I were to meet that same man the day before and it was raining, or I someone has just cut me off in traffic earlier or he has just lost a bet on the Cavs... we might not have even noticed one another.

I've noticed plenty of men. Many of them have gone on to play at the professional level, some have received multiple degrees and lots of them are now loving husbands and devoted fathers(basically, they're all successful). My judgement is not bad, it never was and never will be. For some reason, what people think of me has always been far from the truth. Ugly, conceited, ungrateful, mean... these are all terms I've heard more than once, but never once have I looked at myself that way. I guess I'm just happy with the life that Yahweh has given me. I'm not light skinned and my hair isn't down my back, but I have a nice figure and a beautiful smile. There is always give and take, no one has everything... except for those who are smart enough to realize that what they have been given is divine.

So, just as every moments is planned, that is true of the way I look and the way I act. My life has already been written, I just haven't read the script in it's entirety yet. The men who I like, and have tried to be with, that don't show mutual feelings are just going to have to be a part of my past, because I am sick of playing the fool. If I am not good enough? I guess that's just the way it's going to have to be. What's meant to happen will happen.