Love People MORE Than People Hate Me

This was my new years resolution in 2008. I don't know how well that went, but I need to start applying it to my everyday life. Being positive, steering away from being condescending and trying to have a positive impact on the world is my goal. I want to make a difference in this world.

So, I have been thinking long and hard about an idea I got about six months ago. I want to start a website. I am not going to disclose all the details so early- but once the project comes to fruition there will be no worries and I can finally talk about it on here. I just want to find a way to reach people, change lives and prosper as an individual.


I am not too sure what is going on in my life anymore. I am doing well in school, and somehow Yahweh is providing financially for me, but I have so much emptiness in my heart. I guess I am kind of scared that I will never talk to Alias again. I also found out that Maize & Blue's "wife" is having twins and he just signed a $1.45 million contract... it could have been me! These men in my past life, I hope they are really happy, because if they aren't- they could have had a woman in their life that would have done anything! There is no limit to what I would have done to make Maize & Blue happy. I am just sick and tired of being the one ALWAYS giving. I am SOOOO tired!

Buying gifts, giving advice, lending a shoulder, it never ends. I am always on the other end of good things. I am always the one who is devoting time and effort to others and I am so upset that when I need support I can never find a soul to reciprocate. I could sit her and blame it on everyone else, but I know it's me. I know I have problems, I know I have issues... I just can't figure out how to sort them out. I love buying gifts, giving advice and lending my shoulder. I don't want to get to the point, and be so upset with counterparts that I start resenting my own good heart. When bitches mean mug me, I want to smile at them in return and have them wondering why they don't like me. When men do me dirty, I want to treat them like Kings and hopefully awaken awareness in them on how to treat a woman, so that maybe they can treat the next lady better. I just want to make a difference, but I am really running out of energy!