Pulchritudinous

It's ironic that you can call a woman beautiful, but if you use the same word to describe a man- it's almost offensive. But, what if their is no better word to describe him. What if words can't describe. Man, his heart has so much vacancy when it comes to me- but my feelings for him are infinite. What makes everything about the situation strange and crazy is the fact that I can't even say I know this man!

He won't let me in. No matter how many years pass and how many of our mutual friends I have "put in a good word".... he remains loyal. But he is so proper, so decent, so wonderful- JUST beautiful to me.

The world is in need of men with substance. Men who are interested in more than beat making and rhyming. No, I am not knocking beat making or rhyming (because I like to think of myself as a lyricist), but he has more. He is more than smarts. His beauty is limitless. It's easy to find a talented Black man, because most Black men are talented. It's nice to find and intelligent Black man who has the patience to have book smarts also. It's even better to find a man who is easy on the eyes. But to find a man with all three (you know what they say about good things coming in threes), is basically impossible in 2007. Well, not really impossible. But I can tell you what is impossible... for a man with that much to see the same in me. I sometimes wonder, what would it take for him to see in me what I see in him? Am I going to start singing Casey Chambers? Naw! But.... "Am I not pretty enough?" Or am I not light enough? Do I not hold his interest? Am I not on his level? What is it? I am thick skinned enough to know the truth.

Well, the truth about it from my end is that I want to be friends. Friends who speak on the regular, not just in passing. Friends who visit, friends who share each others company.

I met Justice back in 2001 and I will never forget. I was visiting his room mate, but when I saw him- I never wanted to talk to his room mate again. When I saw him, I saw beauty. I will never forget that moment... the first time I saw him. I have that moment reoccurring in my head every time I see his profile picture on facebook. And every time, it ends the same... with me recognizing beauty and never getting to touch his face, breath his air, be in his heart.

Thats the sad thing about this 6th sense of mine. It's cool to be able to see beauty... to see love, but sometimes I think I'd be better off not knowing it was their. Sometime ignorance is a blessing. If you never knew you had a chance, if you never knew it was there- you would never miss it when it's gone. Damn