Life is a bitch and then you die! Or, you decide to make a change. Change in diet, change in looks, change of address??? No matter what you alter, if you decide to make a change for the better- you're on top of THE game! Sometimes it may look as if one is quitting, but the reality is- is that they're changing their game plan.
Right now I am kind of lost in my direction. I am sick of tired of people judging me and my life and furthermore I am done explaining me decisions. I am leaving all my doom or success in Yahweh's hand because I don't know what else to do. Being too SCARED to go to the doctor? That's never been me. Worrying about money and it being my only objective? That's never been me. Giving a damn about a man who couldn't care less about me and thinks the Sun rises and set upon his ass? That's never been me. I am definitely changing.
What do you do when you do everything right- eat- exercise- etc. and you're STILL sick? What do you do when you cut your leisure spending in half and pay all your bills upfront yet you're still plagued by money issues? What do you do when a man basically tells you he loves you and you're the only female he trust (even ON TOP of his mom) and you can't even get him to answer your calls or return your texts? Smile?
It's funny how people judge. They talk about my "nasty attitude," "unappealing persona" and even the "mean mug," but most times when I hear that I want to reply... "if you think the looks on my face is bad you should see what's going on inside my head!" Man, I am going through it! My heart is so heavy right now- I can't even explain it. Something is always going on, I don't even have time to re cooperate before another thing happens, or time to ruminate before another thought rapes me! Blind sided and overwhelmed!
If one knew what I came from. If one could have a glimpse of what I've been through. If one would on take the time to imagine that there is a reason I am the way that I am- maybe I wouldn't seem so bad. I am down right now and these walls are SO familiar. No one to talk to- not sure what to think.... all too familiar. Yea, I could call my mom- she went through it a few years back. I even talked with a couple of my female co workers who went through it too, but no one really understands what I am going through. I wasn't in my 50's, 40's, 30's.... GOD I am only 24! I am a baby! No one understands me! I could call Derrick... but what good would it really do me other than feeling like a charity case? The only one who could ever and does understand me- he was THE FIRST I went to; Yahshua. I am leaving them there.
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