I have put this subject on the back burner for way to long and am finally going to address it- I am sick and tired of having to explain myself to bitches. First, it's "Is Lindsay a back stabber?" because apparently after being engaged to a man and being pregnant with his second child out of wedlock- you must not have enough trust in the relationship if you are listening to what outside sources suggest when they mention that I am trying to steal your man and I am in competition with you. Let me set the record straight- I NEVER try and fail. Secondly, it's "Some girl that knows Lisa and you is in the salon on her mint chocolate cell phone talking about how she doesn't like you- blah blah blah!" again- is that even in my character? Now yesterday the text message, it's "I thought you were my girl, why didn't you tell me who Scott is dating?" and for the third and final time- I am done explaining myself to bitches. You know he is not really your man, you know he fucks around- I mean, he had another baby on you by another bitch- BE REAL! I don't sit around keeping track of anyone other than myself! I am not responsible to judge or report about other peoples conscious decisions. You knew he was cheating on you in the beginning- so why did you leave the abortion clinic? I don't know! You know that bitch is not your girl- so why are you believing her? I don't know! You know he is still fucking around on you- so why would you accept a ring? I don't know! You play the holier than thou role every chance you get- so WHY are you pregnant again out of wedlock? I don't know AND I don't care... You know you and that bitch are not friends- you are just the jump offs of some basketball player who could give a fuck about either of you- so why are you trusting her word? I don't know! You know my character- and on the night of our friend's birthday party- I WAS THE ONLY ONE defending you, so why are you questioning my friendship? I don't know! Why are you even taking the advice of a female who is fucking the same nigga that you are? I don't know AND I don't care... Why did you have the first baby with him? I don't know! After you found out he had not only cheated- but got another bitch pregnant at the same time of your first pregnancy- why did you have the second child by him? I don't know! Why- after four years are you still fucking him? I don't know! Why is the other bitch getting $400 a month for her one child- but you are so stuck on hanging on, that you don't mind that he doesn't take care of your children and you won't take him downtown? I don't know! Why are you listening to your disfunctional ass sister- whose boyfriend left her and moved out as soon as he found out she was knocked and moved in with another chick and knocked her before your niece was even born? I don't know! Why are you texting me- trying to question and accuse me about some shit that is NEWS TO ME? Not only do I not know, but I do not care!!!
See, the thing is- people make conscious decisions everyday that they end up regretting. They don't stop at that though- oh no! They keep going down that same path of destruction, never looking back and considering that maybe it's time to make a change! The funny thing about it is- why blame me for some thing you are responsible for? I didn't lay down with any nigga! I am not the mistress of some other chicks baby's dad! And I am damn for sure not the one being seen bar hopping with you babies' dad! True story! You chicks need to order a deliberation of all your multiple personalities and figure out what you are doing wrong- because I am too concern with correcting my faults to deal with the drama of others! I have my own conscious decisions to make!
So, it is official. I am in a relationship. Even though, I haven't reported it to ANYONE and I have not quite acknowledged it myself- I said YES to the invitation of being some one's woman, lol. I guess it is a new feeling seeing that I have not been in a relationship in five years- but I feel great about it. It's a new look- but I will get use to it. I am still a bit confused because at the moment- it's not where my heart is. Before now, I have never been in love- and I am quite certain that this is the feeling. It's just a shame that I am with a man who is in love with me while I am in love with someone else? Go figure! I keep telling myself that I am doing the wrong thing- but the fact remains that I am sick of being alone. It's nice to know someone likes you and feelings are mutual, but most times that isn't enough. I don't just want someone who likes me- I want someone who wants to be with me. And I was always told, "make sure your man loves you more than you love him or it will never work," and I am following those standards to a t. Everyone is afraid of having their heart broken, and I will never break his. I will never cheat and I will do everything he asks- but I can not control fate. At times, I wish I could fall back from the relationship- because all of a sudden Big Time and IDMR have come back into my life. That's how the cookie ALWAYS crumbles, as soon as you get into a relationship- all these niggas who treated you like shit all of a sudden become changed men. Well, I ain't buying it. I would be a fool to give up on this relationship only to find myself alone. I guess it's JUST time for everyone else to play the back burner. I am merely looking forward to the outcome of the conscious decision I have made. Will my feelings develop into more and will this relationship work? I don't know BUT I do care...
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