Protected but not Exempt

Sometimes, I get down and I lose sight of what's important in life. Life its self is important. And He is life. I've questioned if Yahweh loves me. I've questions if He hates me. I've questioned the only option and the unfathomable. And gladly, in the end I know the truth. I was one of the few chosen from birth to learn of His true teaching. I have an awesome responsibility. I find condemnation in what most of my friends have made a way of life. There are certain things I just can't do. It's not worth it. I know better. Earlier, I read a blog about Penn State's football program receiving the death penalty. The writer argued a lenient judgement may be rendered because of the affect the penalty could have on the community, it's fans, students, and the school as a whole. She also countered that when a rapist or murderer is convicted, the judge or jury don't take into consideration the convicted is the sole bread winner. It's never thought about. All of the people who fall victim to the convicted suffer blindly. So why should Penn State be any different? I said all of that to say this, every move I make I think about my future. I think about the last name that I carry now. I think about what would make my future husband proud. I think about leading my future children by example. I consider how much pain it would put my family through if I went down a certain path. They'd suffer blindly, and I want nothing farther from that. I am not saying I am perfect. I am not saying I have yet to make astronomical mistakes. All I can say is moving forward I refuse to put myself in those positions again. Anything that embarrasses me and bares my name? One day I will have to face it head on. And if I never have to explain why I did it or what I did, the condemnation is already going on in my heart. A conscience isn't a conscience at all. That voice is Yahweh. There is no such thing as free will. The difference is, only a son knows right from wrong. The difference is, even after a son has done wrong, it's not back sliding. One who is not with Yahweh doesn't know the feeling of regret. The condemnation should let one know where one stands. Is he/she in the body? I realize that just because Yahweh has me does not mean that I am exempt from pain. What it means is I will be subjected to pain even more. Parents are the hardest on the child they want to succeed. I was subject to be vain in the same token I was subject to feel pain. I find peace in the fact that no matter how low I get, He is with me. He is my protection. And when He is your protection, you need no defense. You need not be exempt.