Sometimes It's Just Better To FORGIVE & FORGET!!!

Harboring on past negative emotions will eat you alive. The people who have done you wrong are not sitting around in a room with their friends bashing you, they're not laying in bed while listening to sad slow songs crying, and they definitely aren't letting the pain they've caused you- to retard them from moving on an finding love or loyalty somewhere else. My best bet is they don't bring you up to their friends at all, their nights aren't spent in bed crying, but lying next to someone else and they did not learn to be a more caring and sincere person to the next one the befriend. So, why do we continue to punish ourselves for someone else's infirmities against us? Isn't the initial pain they've caused us punishment enough?

I know it will take time but I am trying to learn to move on and be happy. When I put all things aside I can acknowledge and realize that my past relationships had their rough spells, but I was truly loved. There weren't many moments when I wouldn't lay in bed crying, but I would look over and think to myself, "I can't believe he is mine." I had a person to fuss at, and when I questioned him about something- he gave me an answer. Yea, many of times the answer may have been a lie- but he gave me enough regards to do that. I know that in the past couple of years I have been kind of bitter- but I know that life does go on.

My girl ran into her ex boyfriend in the club and they had their first meeting since the BIG BREAK UP. She ended up crying and we had to leave the club a little early and even further she continued to ball the rest of the night in our friend's bathroom, but when she did calm down to talk to me for a minute, she told me that he admitted he wasn't happy and he made a mistake. Before he left she told him that she still loved him and she will always love him. Her statement made me realize that I feel the same way. Sometimes shit is so thick that you don't realize how much someone hurt you and what your true feelings really are. When you truly love a person that love NEVER ends, so it's selfish to ever have a person in your life and get upset with the fact that they are somewhat involved with an ex. Yes, there is a fine line of separation- but real love can never be lost.

The funny thing about life is that we get so wrapped up in portions that don't really matter that we miss the BIG PICTURE and the significant things go right over our heads. It's not that someone cheated. It's not that someone lied. It's not that someone left you shit faced and broken hearted. The BIG PICTURE is that for a moment- as brief as it may have been, you got to experience real love. Untainted, real love! All the bad spells in the world couldn't over ride that.

In the back of my mind I will have a little sour puss in me, I will always high light the "he did me wrong" eras, but the fact will ALSO remain that I am now acknowledging the good time also. I guess I regret that this didn't come earlier- then maybe my chances would have been clearer for Esco Bar, but I am starting to realize a lot about that situation also.

The other night I had a mutual friend of our's (Esco & I's) reveal some things about him and his childhood. I know that I have never come at him with nothing but admiration, but for some reason he always rejects what ever it is I am trying to express. I was convinced for a long time that it had something to do with Maize & Blue, but now I am realizing maybe it just had something to do with him.Those eighteen years you spend "growing up" shape your life. Every thing about them [the eighteen years]. No one really knows what goes on behind closed doors. If the walls could talk maybe we would bemore understanding of one another. I think that I came up in a certain manner that MAKES me acknowledge that everyone has personal battles and demons that maybe they just CAN'T overcome- I have yet to overcome my own. I know I have tried to address some of my issues, but I don't see them ever being resolved, so for a moment in time I know some things are just better left alone and sometimes it's just better to FORGIVE & FORGET!