Time Stands Still

In an effort to talk about some fucked up shit without really talking about it, I am going to be mad passive and vague. Even still, it's obvious what this is about. For the last few weeks I have been trying to figure out if it's better to be treated badly or for one to pretend to love me. I can't figure it out. Because in the end the truth always comes out. And the little moments I thought would live forever, I'm finding out never really existed. The love I thought I shared--reciprocated, was truly unrequited. Anyhow, I am stuck. I am stuck on a forever that never was. I've had ample distractions and a host of support, but I still can't seem to shake the feeling of what's happening to me. It's so unreal. It's like a movie. Worse, it's like a book. It's embarrassing to have someone mean so much when I literally never did, don't and never will mean anything to him. I wish there was an easy way out. I wish I were brave enough to take the easy route. I've prayed and my prayers have been answered. I thank Yahweh for that. I do. But the reality is, there is not short cut from pain. I am in a very ugly place and unfortunately I'm not moving. Superpower.