Dynomite

I don't know how I feel anymore. I thought I was in love, but not so much anymore. Maybe it was infatuation. Maybe it was lust. Maybe it was convenience. I refuse to believe that love would treat me so coldly. It's even sadder when you think you really know the person who is causing all your pain. I think I have a problem with putting certain people in my life on a pedestal. It's like I expect hurt from some people, while other I hold in this light of perfection. I guess I'm just setting everyone up for failure.

At the end of the day, it is what it is. I can't make someone love me if they don't. There are no words (spoken or unspoken) that will change how one feels for me. Although, I think that it's common courtesy to hear a person out. I've always let people say their piece, whether I thought they deserved it or not. I've always been fair. I can not understand why I am not treated with the same regard. Why do people think they are better than me?

Because I refuse to let the words of my heart fall on empty ears, I'll say it here where it really matters.

A long time ago, I met a boy. He started as a friend until one day I realized how fabulous he is. He never showed interest in me, so I decided I'd go at his pace. He kept girlfriend....girlfriends that I'd of thought were beneath him. Then one day, I took a love and for a long time, I stopped considering that boy. Once Maize & Blue was out of my life, I saw that this boy has become a man. And for some reason I caught him when he was single. Even when I wasn't trying, I'd run into him. I understand that running into a person you know isn't usually a big thing, but it's an astronomical thing when those two people live in different cities. I had run into him at Walgreens, CVS, Dillards, Beachwood Mall, Skully's, just the most random of places. We've never talked about, but I wonder, if he ever thinks about it...

To make a long story short, I felt like all of these encounters combined with feelings I've harbored for nearly two decades meant something. But I found out last Wednesday that they and I mean nothing at all. Sometimes people have egos and pride issues to compensate for something else. I only hope that one day he sees what he walked away from.