The last couple of years have been rough for me. I never thought running away from the circumstances I left in Cleveland would present me which such anguish. Two fires, 3 restraining orders, witnessing a murder, a pipe bomb and last year's break in are just a mere shadow to all the drama I've been through. I never thought that physical things being taken away from me would cause so much pain. I haven't talked about it with many people outside of my family, but it changed me. It changed me in a way I hate. All of my plans and dreams were shattered in the moment that I got that phone call. It got me to thinking, if losing physical things could hurt me so much, what of my spirit?
I just need a year to reflect. A year to focus on my future is detrimental to my future's success. I'd like to move and I'd like to get another degree in the process, but first I need a plan. I need to rest my mind and my body. Get my health (and weight) up to par and one again I would like to love the person...the woman I see in the mirror. I want to be proud of my judgement. I want to be the girl who left East Cleveland. For so long I blamed my parents for things that really weren't in their control. They want the best for me. The brought me much farther than their parents ever could for them, and for that I am eternally grateful.
In this next year I want to relax, reflect and repent. I want Yahweh to bring me the faith I once had. I do want to touch the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, but I too want to touch the Tree of Life. Maybe I will jump out of the frying pan and into the fire, but I hope that's not what Yahweh has in store for me. For some reason I know better. It is his will.
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