Scared...

Mook's death is making me so uneasy. A week ago, at this very moment he was still alive. I don't think I'll ever forget the phone call I received last Tuesday @ 10:30 pm telling me that he died. I didn't sleep that night. I didn't sleep last night either. I don't know if it's because his death is so heavy on my heart or because it was the day of the funeral. Mook didn't even look like himself, he really looked DEAD- which seems like a dumb statement, but that funeral home did not do a good job on his body. It was the saddest funeral I've ever been to and I can't help but cry right now thinking about the testimony of the young boy. I remember last summer Mook telling me that he fathers a lot of children. Of course he has Malaya, but he told me how he provides for so many young brothers around his neighborhood who have never met their real fathers. When that boy got up yesterday, all he could say is, "Man, that's my dad. I mean I got a dad. My dad was in jail most of my life and that's my father but, Mook was my dad. He was a dad to us. He did everything for us and I will never have that again. Man, that's my dad!" Hearing that just broke my heart.
Anyhow, every 15 minutes I am thinking about Mook and some memory of him. I remember when he first came to Versamount's line last summer. He came around the time Jimeka was hating on me and I fell out with her and Darry. After that, Miss Val and Angel started acting funny and when Angel left our line and Mook came, Miss Val asked to switch places on the line so that she didn't have to work next to me... and at the time I was pissed, but if she hadn't have done that, I would have never gotten the chance to know Mook. I remember the first real conversation we had. Everyone was wondering about the scare on his hairline, but no one (except me) was bold enough to ask him. He then told me that he'd been shot in the head and he went on to tell me the whole crazy story. That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
I remember Mook's first week he wore nothing but Dickies, so behind his back I gave him the nicknames "Yay E Yay, " and "West Siiiiide!" Sala, Baron and I would clown his Dickies on the low. It wasn't until the day he was laid off after we'd all exchanged hugs and numbers that he walked off and screamed back at us, "West Siiiide!" We hadn't realized but, the whole time he knew we were talking about him. We all look at each other and busted out in laughter.
I remember talking about Chipotle; what we take on our burritos and how frequently we ate there. Mook told Sala and I about one time when he ate two burritos in one day (which I can not fathom because I can barely eat one burrito without feeling the urge to vomit). I remember Mook and Baron teaming up on me all the time, and one time in particular they argued to the death that Beyonce was not the leading lady in Case's video for Happily Ever After. I bet the both of them... I youtubed the video that same night and recorded it on my camera phone. I will never forget the look on Mook's face when he lost the bet and had to buy me BW3 for lunch... and Baron bought me Grinders the next day, lol.

I keep thinking about him asking for advice about the situation with his jump off being pregnant. He told me about how the jump off enrolled her son in the same daycare Malaya is in and that's how his wifey found out about the pregnancy. And unlike most men I know, he made the comment that he still had love for the girl and that he is really close with her 3 years old son. He even said, "I mean, I seriously doubt the baby is mine, but I will give her money to take care of it regardless." That showed how much of a stand up guy he was. He also confessed that is was stupid of him to cheat on his girl and that he loved her and had plans to marry her soon. I keep thinking about how he was supposed to come over for dinner once we found out we shared a love for Margarita Pizza. I also remember his second day when he didn't being his lunch and I shared the chili Erin made with him. I remember him telling me about his old school and other cars, the way he"stepped out" when he rarely hit the club.

Mook's funeral really was crazy. I have never seen so many grown men crying... many of which I know (it's a small world). Me and Sala were so confused when the funeral procession drove WAY from the far east side to Brittany Hills neighborhood. That was some straight Notorious BIG stuff how they drove the hearse through Mook's hood one more time. I have never seen that done before.

Mook,

You were my wing man on the line. You were SO silly, you kept it real on a level that I have never before or since seen a Columbus nigga do. You were a wonderful father to your daughter and even bigger Dad to countless fatherless children in CO. You were a very sweet guy that did not deserve the hand he was dealt and I will never forget you. You are more than my friend, you are my brother... you are my angel. I will never forget the last time I saw you (at Ice) and I will never forget the first time I saw you (at Delphi). It was a pleasure having met your acquaintance, I love you homie.

Rest In Peace Jesse "MOOK" Lanier July 8, 1977 ~ August 19, 2008