It really sucks when you're stunted. You know, the feeling you have when you don't have any love interest what so ever. What sucks even more is when you do have someone in mind, but they aren't emotionally available. You try to keep your distance and keep yourself from catching feelings, but it's just so damned hard! It's really no use.
I am feeling really torn as of late because I am feeling a friend of mine. He is cute, motivated and more importantly he is such a sweet person. But just like every other good man I meet, he has a girlfriend. Well, let me rephrase that, he has an on again off again. We clearly like one another- I feel that is quite evident by now, but I don't want to move forward. I am sick of putting MYSELF in the position where as soon as I lay my cards down the nigga ups and decides to walk all over my heart.
In 2008 it is so hard to decipher if a man is being sincere or if he is just running game. One minute he can be inviting you to accompany him in Las Vegas and the next thing you know he is telling you he is involved with someone else and is trying to make it work (Big Time). I don't understand how men can turn their feelings on and off like that. I guess I have a lot to learn.
What to do at this point is beyond me because I am starting to really like this guy. I am going to avoid giving him a code name because everyman I have given a code name to on this blog is no longer in my life. Hopefully, above all things he and I will remain friends. I don't want to muddy things up and make things complicated- but sooner or later the plot is going to deepen... especially because he keeps pushing the issue.
I don't mind being with someone. I don't mind being honest with one another- I actually would prefer it that way (I am a big girl). The only thing I don't understand is why I should compromise my heart and my own feelings when he can up and leave at any moment and go back to the other Bitch? What sense does that make? What's the point?
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