STR8 TRIPPIN'

I just don't know where my life is going anymore. I've been kind of sad lately and I am not quite sure who there person in the mirror is. Found out a lot of shit about ATL today. Yea, he is another I am definitely writing off indefinitely. What's funny is the fact that I still want to give him a chance to tell his side of the story. What I do know is, he has been deceiving me since the day that I met him back in March. Pure DECEPTION. I am not even mad though. It's a shame that I am so use to disappointment from men, that it doesn't even phase me anymore. Furthermore, I am just sick and tired of disappointing people. My friends, my fam, just in general I am sick of being let down. It's like I can't even love the same way I use to...

I was thinking about something last night- I am 23, and I was thinking about a lot of good memories I have. But what scares me is the possibility that the best part of my life has already happened! I know that makes me sound like a pessimist, but it's really how I feel!

I also got to thinking about "Charge it to the Game!" How through out the last five years I have tried calling him, e-mailing him. I will never forget the last time I saw him during winter break of my freshman year. I was still working at next, and he came in wearing his letterman's jacket and a sling from hurting his arm. Since then, we have exchanged a few e-mails but, that's it. He graduated and moved to California earlier this year. My e-mail address got de activated... so it's official, it's over between us. I will never know what happened- why we aren't friends anymore. I will never know how he felt about me all those years. And what's really crazy is the fact that I will probably never see him again. We will always be on opposite sides of the country. Yeah, our parents are still in Cleveland, but that means nothing. One day, he will die & I will never get to say goodbye. I won't be able to show my respects to his parents. I won't be able to attend his funeral. This happened with Jason, but with Charge it to the Game, it will mean so much more... it will be a deeper pain. I took a lot in life for granted. And what has me trippin' is the fact that these people will never know how I felt!