Same Sh1t Different Toilet

I don't know what to do anymore. Every time I think I've found someone I love, it ends bitterly. All the signs come rushing in and no matter how hard I try to ignore them, the entire time I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't know why I thought it would be different with the Good Angel. Maybe it's because we have so much history. Maybe it's because I thought he was my friend. Maybe I am just going crazy. I don't want love anymore...not if this is what it feels like. I always fell bad. I always feel upset. Someone who would encourage me to move to Paris, but can't imagine me moving near him? What's the point? To say I got a ring? To say I am a mother? To make people jealous or feel fulfilled? What's the point of it all? I want something real and nothing in this world is real at all, so I want nothing at all. I have to let him fly. That's what angels do anyway, right?

Ashamed

I don't know what to think or what to say. I am sad. Sad for no reason. Angry for no reason, in particular. I honestly feel...no one's ever felt the way I do. I never thought I would feel this feeling. I always thought I deserved it. I've loved so many people who never gave a care about me. I am sick of giving. I am sick of being the one who always says the right thing and is always the bigger person and who always feels condemned. I don't know what to do or say anymore. In fact, I feel like I've said and done EVERYTHING I could have. I played my cards right, and still nothing. So, I'm done. Not all angels are good angels.

We Found Love

"It's like screaming and no one can hear. You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important that without them you feel like nothing. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless...like nothing can save you. And when it's over and it's gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back so that you could have the good." -Agyness Deyn