Vent Session

Just when I thought things were going perfectly, they're all falling apart. How is it that someone can willingly give me lip service with no plans to back any of it up? At first I thought this was the beginning of something special. Now, I feel like this was the beginning of the end. It's like the same shit that was going on when we were 13 is the shit that's happening now. Have we not grown? Have I not learned my lesson? I'm only getting half of the story--at best. And I'm certain his version is laced with lies. Was there ever a time he wasn't deceitful with me? Why make unsolicited promises if you're not sincere? It makes no sense to me. Now it's raining. How did I get here? I can't believe in love. Every time I let go, my heart gets drug through the mud. I tired of it. But with him it's like one day he's telling me we are just friends and acting coy like nothing more is going on and the next day he is telling me to download Lotus Flower Bomb because it explains how he looks at me. Mixed fucking messages. I am sick of deciphering them. It's like he's a Taurus and claims it to the heart, but he still isn't upfront, bold, any of the above. I mean what I say and I say what I feel. If I am ready to walk out of his life, the only thing he is willing to do is let me. So I can't stay.