In The Case Of Love

Anything goes. There is no losing of pride, no limits or bounds. Getting on one's knees and sacrificying it all is a small price to pay to gain affection, but when one is left empty handed is there a such thing a recovery? I don't believe so. I had to so much to lose and I lost it all. That's how I feel everytime I think about my love life-or lack of rather. I gave so much and was handed shit in return. Now, when it's time to move on I can. Why? Maybe I am too scared. Maybe I am too scarred. Maybe I no longer have the ability to love. Maybe, I don't have enough money to put gas in my car and on this soft Wednesday evening when I could be in bible school getting reassurance I am instead at home making and tossing back cocktails. May it's because I was never good enough for the Jason Moores or Sean Coffeys or Terence Dials or Tyler Iboms. Maybe I'm not good enough for anyone. So, rather than have a man suffer through what is LINDSAY, Yahweh has decided to spare them all. I'll always be too dark, too short, too thick. It will always be a problem that it took me to get my degree 8 years instead of 8. My upbringing is fine, but growing up in East Cleveland will always raise an issue for someone. Not enough lovers or too many lovers? Too sensitive or as Romero once said not ladylike enough. Lindsay will never quite make the cut. Before, I coped with it, but now I don't knw how I feel anymore. It's just one of those nights. Depression mixed with liquor is a bitch... kind of like Black mixed with ugly. Or Black mixed with fat. Or the combination of all three. Stressed the fuck out right now. And through it all, all I can think about is if the longest sentence in this sentence is longer than 35 words. Because I'm an English major and no good sentence should be more than 35 words. Actually the best are only 25. And any number under 10 has to be spelled out. So if sentences were only good if they were nine words or less then I would always be spelling out nine intead of cutting to the chase and typing/writing 9. The rule of 9. It's the same in American Sign Language. Nine is that breaking point. So what does that mean? If nine the real perfect number instead of sever or eight? Or have I just had one too many? In the case of love there is no such thing as too many. OUT!