You see, my little cousin "Nikki" had something when she started that 0 tolerance policy last year. No shit from any nigga! Well, I am going to start applying this policy to my life. I have to tell you, it's hard not to go back to a begging man after you've been dealing with him for years. But, as I said before I am sick of being that on again off again girl. There is going to be nothing different about THIS time! His apologies are still the same. There is a point when second and third and fourth and fifth chances just become stupidity. In the infamous words my girl Nikeya Wade spoke to our manager Matt, "I won't allow myself to become any man's flunky."
I am at the point in my life where I am done dreaming and ready to take some actions. I have nothing to lose and a whole lot to gain. If I got up and left Columbus tomorrow I wouldn't be leaving much behind. Really OHIO as a whole. If I left Ohio tomorrow the only this I would be leaving behind is an unfinished degree and my family. Now, yes- those are two very important things in my life that I am not ready to let go of just yet- but a year from now? A year from now I will have completed my undergraduate studies. A year from now will be the same as today concerning my family, because I know no matter where life leads me- they are always in my heart and they are always backing me 100%! So, there it is.
Right now I am on my grind. I am pinching every penny I have! Saving here- doing me there, lol. I have definitely realized what is important in life. Man, I tell ya- I have ignored so many phone calls in the last two weeks that I may as well disconnect my damned phone. I am sick of hearing niggas' bullshit. I am sick of hearing bitches pretend to be my friends. The whole process is just so exhausting- so why front?... why even answer?
For a while I was so dedicated to trying to secure some college friends. In the world they say these are you real friends, the ones you remember for the rest of your life- but that's not real talk! I am going to leave OSU with the same friend I had when I came here- DERRICK. Of course I am going to have a plethora of experiences and stories- but that's it! I am just so ready to move on. In a way it is comforting to know that the people I needed in my life have been there for the last six years- its just sad to note that I didn't recognize them for who they are!
I came to OSU a young lady and I will leave a WOMAN. There will be many references to my past- but I doubt I will mention many names. I tried being friends with man, I tried finding love through many- I guess I even tried finding myself through many. I now realize that this is part of growing. I will move on never looking over my shoulder wondering WHAT IF? I gave everyone A chance. I asked many for A chance. I tested every relation/friendship and I came out null and VOID. So, I am doing what TWEET sung, I am VOIDING all the excuses that are coming at me! I want everyone who is in my past to STAY in my past!
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Send Me Packing!
On the real, I am sick of people being nice. At times is much better and way more appropriate to keep it real. If you don't like someone anymore or you never did- just let them know. The earlier the better. Don't sit around wasting some one's time being cordial- SEND EM' PACKING!
It's funny how differently men and women think. The logic of male and female is so contradictory- that it is no wonder that we can't get along. All I know is that I am tired of the past and it eating away at me. I am tired of being the off and on again type of girl. It's all or nothing from this point forward. If you're not acting up to par with my standards I'm sending you packing and taking names later!
It's funny how differently men and women think. The logic of male and female is so contradictory- that it is no wonder that we can't get along. All I know is that I am tired of the past and it eating away at me. I am tired of being the off and on again type of girl. It's all or nothing from this point forward. If you're not acting up to par with my standards I'm sending you packing and taking names later!
Monday, May 14, 2007
Let Him Fly...
At times, there are no apologizes great enough, no compassion sincere enough and no love deep enough to do right by a person who refuses to see your better side. You can write him poems, e-mail him, text him just to say, "hi!" It doesn't matter, if he is looking for bad- that is all he is going to see. I am 24 and am now learning that sometimes- you have to just let go. Not having the guy you want is punishment enough- stop punishing yourself further by hanging on. With that being said, I want to send a final bid to "Charge It To The Game," "Esco Bar," "Big Time," and many others who have been the corner stones to my blog and my heart for many months~ many years.
"Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart."
~Anne Frank
I am a good girl and no matter what I ALWAYS look for the good in people. That's how I found Howard Baldridge- my Ace Boon Coon! Everyone was telling me he was a shiesty nigga, yet- I'd rather to find out for myself. When I did- I found that he would become one of the most valuable assets in my life. That goes the same for Aric Caine. I realized that these two young men may have done many people dirty- but as long as they have never done dirt to me- I will never look at them under those conditions. See, most people don't have this concept. Most people are not willing to find out for themselves. And, I guess THIS is why the guys I like won't (not don't) like me. They are so use to being brainwashed by this persona of "bitches ain't shit" that they feel to realize that maybe they should find out for themselves. Therefore, I have failed before I have even tried- because I have this image to go up against that I haven't even created! What sense does that make?
It's sad, I will never have the NFL player, never have the team captain and never have the big time D Boi, because I will always be playing the back burner. I will never have the regular niggas because they are too scare to approach me, I will never have the rich nigga because I am not polished enough (I guess it is the E.C. tomboy in me). I can go on forever telling you what I will not have, but most importantly- I will not have another nigga down me and label me as something I am not because they fail to believe- fail to find out first hand- fail acknowledge BEAUTY.
It's an issue I've have been wanting to address... How you can you treat someone like they are temporary and expect them to act like they are eternal? How can you treat something like shit and expect it to taste like sugar? How can you treat women like trash and expect them to turn into treasure? You put in what you get out! I am just sick of dealing with it!
"Ain't no talking to this man- ain't no pretty other side/ Ain't no way to understand THE stupid word of/ It would take and acrobat, but I already tried all that/ So, I'm going to let him fly... You must always know how long to stay and when to go/ and there ain't no talking to this man- he isn't trying to tell me so/ It took a while to understand the beauty of just letting go/
~Jessica Simpson Let Him Fly
I want to send a (BLOG) Rest In Peace shout out to...
S.C.C.
T.J.S.
R.J.A.
"Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart."
~Anne Frank
I am a good girl and no matter what I ALWAYS look for the good in people. That's how I found Howard Baldridge- my Ace Boon Coon! Everyone was telling me he was a shiesty nigga, yet- I'd rather to find out for myself. When I did- I found that he would become one of the most valuable assets in my life. That goes the same for Aric Caine. I realized that these two young men may have done many people dirty- but as long as they have never done dirt to me- I will never look at them under those conditions. See, most people don't have this concept. Most people are not willing to find out for themselves. And, I guess THIS is why the guys I like won't (not don't) like me. They are so use to being brainwashed by this persona of "bitches ain't shit" that they feel to realize that maybe they should find out for themselves. Therefore, I have failed before I have even tried- because I have this image to go up against that I haven't even created! What sense does that make?
It's sad, I will never have the NFL player, never have the team captain and never have the big time D Boi, because I will always be playing the back burner. I will never have the regular niggas because they are too scare to approach me, I will never have the rich nigga because I am not polished enough (I guess it is the E.C. tomboy in me). I can go on forever telling you what I will not have, but most importantly- I will not have another nigga down me and label me as something I am not because they fail to believe- fail to find out first hand- fail acknowledge BEAUTY.
It's an issue I've have been wanting to address... How you can you treat someone like they are temporary and expect them to act like they are eternal? How can you treat something like shit and expect it to taste like sugar? How can you treat women like trash and expect them to turn into treasure? You put in what you get out! I am just sick of dealing with it!
"Ain't no talking to this man- ain't no pretty other side/ Ain't no way to understand THE stupid word of/ It would take and acrobat, but I already tried all that/ So, I'm going to let him fly... You must always know how long to stay and when to go/ and there ain't no talking to this man- he isn't trying to tell me so/ It took a while to understand the beauty of just letting go/
~Jessica Simpson Let Him Fly
I want to send a (BLOG) Rest In Peace shout out to...
S.C.C.
T.J.S.
R.J.A.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Well I'm That Mutha Fucka All Day!!!!! My Version
Have you ever been to Disney World or walked through your favorite amusement park and saw a ride you wanted to get on but you weren't tall enough to get on that mutha fucka? Or, been eating popcorn and your mother, sister or brother wouldn't hold it for you? Or the line was too long?.... Well, I'm that mutha fucka baby, up and down!
_Original_
You ever walked down the street humming your favorite tune, and seen money on the ground or in an opened window, but your arms were just too short, you just weren't quick enough to grab it, the wind was blowing too hard or it was in the street and traffic was too busy to get to it? Well, I'm that mutha fucka all day!!!!!
_Mykl's Version_
Have you ever ate a bag a grippos and wondered why it wasn't enough spices on them mutha fuckas like the ones from the Nati, or wanted to wash them down with some jungle juice and your mother, brother or sister poured you a cup of thirst rockers??? Well. I'm the mutha fucka up and down!!!
_Vince's version_
(the above was stolen from Myk's facebook page- mind you)
It seems like I can't win for losing. No matter what the situation I come out with the short end of the stick. I don't even know if I have much to say in this posting...
Well, my birthday party and the celebration there after were a bust! I have finally come to the conclusion- that I am done being there for people when people aren't there for me. Fuck parties, fuck bitches needing advice- fuck em' all! Then, Delphi and I kind of made up about two weeks ago- then immediately fell out again, lol. But then I guess we made up again when he gave me the first season of Martin for my birthday gift. It wasn't just the gift- but it showed that he knows me well- even though I hate to admit it. Erin got me white Chanel glasses- that gift can't ever be topped- oh, apart from the trip to Vegas that Big Time is taking me on in July :-) I guess life isn't always that bad, lol.
Sunday I received a surprising e-mail on myspace from Maize & Blue. He mentioned how bad he felt about how he hurt me- and how it has been weighing on his heart for a long time. He apologized and blah blah blah. I responded very positively and formal. I told him I excepted his apology and that I had moved on from it- but the truth is- that ain't real talk! The fact is, I hate when people apologize for themselves; meaning- he did not apologize for the simple fact that he is an asshole and he did me wrong, he apologized only because it was making him feel bad. And, this is why niggas ain't shit. After four years, you want to apologize? After you went out and had a baby on me, you want to apologize? After you fucking ruined my life, you want to apologize? Well, take you bitch ass apology and shove it where the sun doesn't shine! I could give 264 and a half fucks about excepting your bullshit ass apology so that you don't feel bad anymore about being a bitch! UNFORGIVABLE! lol! (youtube it!)
The bad thing about being a good girl is you finish last, but the great thing about being a good girl is... after you have shed 257 billion tears, pried yourself off your bedroom floor, turned off the sad songs playing on you winamp, pieced your broken heart back together (somehow)- and then AS SOON AS you move on- they come running back! Well, I guess it is a great thing when and ONLY when you are truly over them, but if you aren't it's dangerous because you can be sucked right back in- & THAT is what I am trying to stay away from! Hopefully the water has run dry...
Moving along and on a different note, life is crazy. You can see what you want- it's attainable- as a matter of fact it is right in front of you- but you can't reach it. Life is crazy and sometimes you're so caught up in it- that it passes you by. It's always the wrong niggas. It's always rushing to make a decision. So instead of the man you want, you get the dorm room mate- the football team mate- the high school best friend. And sometimes- you find your way in and get to his heart before he can say, "I can't talk to you, you use to mess with Sean," "I can't talk to you, you use to talk to Pierre," "I can't talk to you, you use to talk to Najib!" Well, I'm that mutha fucka all day. I can't ever have what I want because of minor mistakes I made in the past. It's funny how loyal men will be to niggas that REALLY ain't their boys. But, they would never believe me if I told them- because I am a female and in 2007- bitches lie! Things never turn in my favor. Even when we're cool, talk on aim, talk on facebook- kick it here and there. Some things are so close yet so far away! Because niggas won't even accept friendships these days... even though a candle looses nothing from lighting another! Well, I'm That Mutha Fucka All Day- always finishing last!
_Original_
You ever walked down the street humming your favorite tune, and seen money on the ground or in an opened window, but your arms were just too short, you just weren't quick enough to grab it, the wind was blowing too hard or it was in the street and traffic was too busy to get to it? Well, I'm that mutha fucka all day!!!!!
_Mykl's Version_
Have you ever ate a bag a grippos and wondered why it wasn't enough spices on them mutha fuckas like the ones from the Nati, or wanted to wash them down with some jungle juice and your mother, brother or sister poured you a cup of thirst rockers??? Well. I'm the mutha fucka up and down!!!
_Vince's version_
(the above was stolen from Myk's facebook page- mind you)
It seems like I can't win for losing. No matter what the situation I come out with the short end of the stick. I don't even know if I have much to say in this posting...
Well, my birthday party and the celebration there after were a bust! I have finally come to the conclusion- that I am done being there for people when people aren't there for me. Fuck parties, fuck bitches needing advice- fuck em' all! Then, Delphi and I kind of made up about two weeks ago- then immediately fell out again, lol. But then I guess we made up again when he gave me the first season of Martin for my birthday gift. It wasn't just the gift- but it showed that he knows me well- even though I hate to admit it. Erin got me white Chanel glasses- that gift can't ever be topped- oh, apart from the trip to Vegas that Big Time is taking me on in July :-) I guess life isn't always that bad, lol.
Sunday I received a surprising e-mail on myspace from Maize & Blue. He mentioned how bad he felt about how he hurt me- and how it has been weighing on his heart for a long time. He apologized and blah blah blah. I responded very positively and formal. I told him I excepted his apology and that I had moved on from it- but the truth is- that ain't real talk! The fact is, I hate when people apologize for themselves; meaning- he did not apologize for the simple fact that he is an asshole and he did me wrong, he apologized only because it was making him feel bad. And, this is why niggas ain't shit. After four years, you want to apologize? After you went out and had a baby on me, you want to apologize? After you fucking ruined my life, you want to apologize? Well, take you bitch ass apology and shove it where the sun doesn't shine! I could give 264 and a half fucks about excepting your bullshit ass apology so that you don't feel bad anymore about being a bitch! UNFORGIVABLE! lol! (youtube it!)
The bad thing about being a good girl is you finish last, but the great thing about being a good girl is... after you have shed 257 billion tears, pried yourself off your bedroom floor, turned off the sad songs playing on you winamp, pieced your broken heart back together (somehow)- and then AS SOON AS you move on- they come running back! Well, I guess it is a great thing when and ONLY when you are truly over them, but if you aren't it's dangerous because you can be sucked right back in- & THAT is what I am trying to stay away from! Hopefully the water has run dry...
Moving along and on a different note, life is crazy. You can see what you want- it's attainable- as a matter of fact it is right in front of you- but you can't reach it. Life is crazy and sometimes you're so caught up in it- that it passes you by. It's always the wrong niggas. It's always rushing to make a decision. So instead of the man you want, you get the dorm room mate- the football team mate- the high school best friend. And sometimes- you find your way in and get to his heart before he can say, "I can't talk to you, you use to mess with Sean," "I can't talk to you, you use to talk to Pierre," "I can't talk to you, you use to talk to Najib!" Well, I'm that mutha fucka all day. I can't ever have what I want because of minor mistakes I made in the past. It's funny how loyal men will be to niggas that REALLY ain't their boys. But, they would never believe me if I told them- because I am a female and in 2007- bitches lie! Things never turn in my favor. Even when we're cool, talk on aim, talk on facebook- kick it here and there. Some things are so close yet so far away! Because niggas won't even accept friendships these days... even though a candle looses nothing from lighting another! Well, I'm That Mutha Fucka All Day- always finishing last!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)